


The Cat That's Not

by TentacleBubbles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, And they dont show up a lot, Jobs are mentioned a lot??, Kenma is a Cat Whisperer, Kyoutani is a dog, LITERALLY, Lol there's lots of hanging out, M/M, Magic, Magic AU, Pets doing stuff in general, Suga is a fox, Witches, Witches are the bad guys, Yaku is a cat, cat shenanigans, duh - Freeform, everything else is like background, is this counted as magical realism??, iwaoi - Freeform, that's the main ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:19:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7197464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TentacleBubbles/pseuds/TentacleBubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn’t believe he’d be unlucky enough to get caught by a witch. He’d heard all the stories, of people disappearing because witches decided to kidnap them, of people outwitting witch curses, of the International Witch Hunter Association trying in vain for years and years to catch all of them. It’s been happening since centuries ago and it still happened now, even if not as much. Iwaizumi just never thought it would happen to boring, simple him.</p><p>Or</p><p>That one fic where Iwaizumi Hajime is an unwilling cat and Oikawa Tooru is his owner</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - What The Heckie

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is but I'm writing it and it's being posted so voila

 

“How do you feel about cats?”

Iwaizumi Hajime was startled by the question, because up until that moment he had just been sitting alone at a diner enjoying a piece of blueberry cheesecake. He looked up at the strangely dressed old lady who had asked him the question, wondering if it really was him being addressed.

“Uhm, I don’t hate them?” Iwaizumi answered unsurely, running a hand through his already messy, spiky hair, "I’m sorry- do I know you?”

“No, no, don’t worry,” the old lady waved his question aside a little too cheerfully, the various stone bracelets and bangles on her arms clinking together at the motion. She moved to sit down at Iwaizumi’s table. As she did, her black and grey dress shimmered and Iwaizumi could have sworn they turned to smoke at the ends, whispery all around the lady’s ankles. Then he couldn’t see them anymore under the table and he looked back up at the old lady, frowning. Not that that looked too different from his usual expression.

“You’re an office worker, I see,” she patted the suitcase Iwaizumi had placed on the table earlier, "gets a bit boring doesn’t it? You’re not allergic to anything are you?”

“Yes- no- I don’t know? “ Iwaizumi’s frown deepened and he tried not to be rude by directing his gaze at the unsuspecting pie. Why was he answering this lady’s questions?

“That’s alright, I can sense you’re a strong young man,” the lady smiled toothily, though she didn’t really have much teeth to show, "I was hoping you could help me, see. I wanted to bring in a cat or two to my shop, but I’m having trouble leading them there.”

“I don’t think animals like me very much,” Iwaizumi tried, a part of his brain insisting that he should _not_ help this old lady in whatever she wanted.

“That’s alright dear,” said lady tittered, as if he had told her a silly joke and she stood back up, grabbing Iwaizumi before he could even blink. She began tugging at him, pulling him out the diner. Much to Iwaizumi’s surprise and horror, he was easily led out by the lady’s strength that belied her frail appearance.

“I- my suitcase,” the man tried, pulling against the lady’s grip to no avail, "and the bill-“

“You won’t need them,” the lady simply answered, and Iwaizumi couldn’t see her expression but he was sure she was probably grinning like the crazy old lady that she was, "it’s right around here.”

Reluctantly Iwaizumi stared ahead, expecting an alleyway with a cat or two that he was supposed to lead to this old lady’s shop. He was beginning to prepare a mental apology to the cats he was no doubt going to be forced to sacrifice for his freedom.

But instead he was pulled inside a pet shop with a strange feel to it. Instead of light bulbs or electricity it had lanterns hanging all around the walls and on chains from the ceiling, casting weak, eerie green light over various shelves and cages on display. The shelves were filled with books and jars and creepy paraphernalia Iwaizumi hoped weren’t for the pets. The cages were iron, bony, and most of them filled with different kinds of birds and lizards and frogs and other such animals. One had a lone, silver fox in it, while another held a ferocious looking dog that growled at Iwaizumi as soon as they locked eyes with each other.

“Where-“he turned around, or tried to. All of a sudden Iwaizumi felt his head spin, and he would have vomited if he could. But he was too dizzy to do much besides fall, and he hoped he wouldn’t hit anything too hard. Or maybe he could hit his head hard enough to wake up from this bizarre dream.

“Whoops, careful there,” the old lady caught and held him in both hands. He stilled, head clearing fast enough for him to register the abrupt change in his surroundings. Or more specifically, the abrupt change in _him_.

The whole shop, including the old lady, had grown larger and he was sure he wasn’t supposed to be small enough to fit in a pair of bony old lady hands. He stared accusingly at the old lady, who seemed to be oblivious to his claws digging into her skin as he tensed.

The dreaded feeling of realization washed over him. Iwaizumi opened his mouth to confirm the ever horrifying theory he had of what happened.

_Meorw._

The old lady cackled, walking further into the shop and dumping Iwaizumi into one of the cages- except it seemed to be an unused aquarium, complete with the pebbles and a tiny treasure chest and bigger rocks and plastic seaweed drooping without water to hold them up.

‘What the fuck’ Iwaizumi thought, crawling behind the rocks and treasure chest and crouching low, surprised at his own movements.

Just like that, Iwaizumi realized he'd been cursed and turned into a cat.


	2. Bought is Such a Strong Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> watch me struggle with technology like a caveman and butcher up the tags and the titles

To say that Iwaizumi adjusted to being a cat stuck in a witch’s shop pretty fast would probably not be far from the truth. If anything, Iwaizumi had discovered that he had an uncanny ability of getting used to whatever situation he found himself in if he stayed there long enough.

A day after Iwaizumi’s capture, another unlucky bastard joined him in the not-even-a-cat-cage. A small, almost-pink furred cat who called himself Yaku and would absolutely scratch if he caught you calling him small. When Yaku was human, he was an accountant and he had been eating at a Thai noodle place when the witch approached him the same way she did to Iwaizumi.

‘You don’t seem very concerned getting caught by a witch’ Iwaizumi had commented.

‘Neither do you’ was Yaku’s answer.

‘I’m looking for a way out’ even as a cat Iwaizumi looked indignant.

‘The best way out is to get bought, hopefully by a human you can explain your situation to’ Yaku replied knowingly ‘I have a friend who knows these things.’

‘Did your friend know about you getting caught?’ Iwaizumi only meant to ask as a joke, but a strange expression came over the other cat’s face.

‘Maybe’ was all he said before decidedly beginning to bathe himself.

Iwaizumi soon found out a lot of things about being a human-turned-cat. For one thing, he still saw the same way humans saw, none of that black and white vision he’s heard of cats having. Another, he could ‘talk’ not only with other cats but any animal aside from insects, basically. He’s not sure if that’s because insects had their own language or because they weren’t capable of having any. He can still understand English of course, though sometimes he wished he didn’t. Whatever the witch did in her shop, it wasn’t anything nice, much less legal.

Not a lot of customers came to the witch’s shop, and when they’re not other witches or ‘monsters’ they were humans who got lost. For some reason that Iwaizumi couldn’t figure out, the witch would always act all nice and innocent to any human that stumbled into her shop by accident. She’d make them buy something of course, but she didn’t openly curse them or anything. Iwaizumi found this extremely unfair.

It was about a few weeks later that a tall, young human literally stumbled into the shop, nearly knocking over a whole shelf full of bottled rainbow goop. As Iwaizumi watched from his usual hiding spot (rocks and treasure chest) the lanky, silver haired boy carefully backed away from said shelf, before getting distracted by the rest of the shop. At least he stood still in awe this time, and wasn’t about to knock something else over yet.

“Hello?” the boy had wide green eyes that darted all around the shop, staring at everything as if it’s the first time he’d seen them. This was probably true.

There was no answer, and the tall boy took that as a sign to walk further inside, crouching so as not to bump into the lamps that hung a little too low on the ceiling. The dog Iwaizumi had learned was named Kyoutani (Kyoutani Kentarou, formerly a college student, slight anger issues) growled in warning, and the boy steered clear of him but continued forward. He eventually got to Iwaizumi and Yaku’s cage, and immediately cooed.

“You’re pink! You’re so cute!” he exclaimed, loud enough that Iwaizumi winced and Yaku actually hissed. He wasn’t hiding like Iwaizumi was, but he wasn’t trying to get noticed either.

‘Don’t make him bleed too much’ Iwaizumi warned his fellow cat.

‘I won’t if he stops talking’ Yaku huffed, which came out strangely in his cat form.

“Can I hold you?” the boy asked then immediately scooped Yaku up, cradling him in his hands and holding him close to his face. He was grinning from ear to ear. Yaku’s claws were slowly but surely digging into his hands but he didn’t seem to mind just yet.

“Would you like to buy him?  He’s a real sweetheart,” the witch made her appearance, emerging from the back of the shop and startling the boy into squeezing Yaku a little too tight. The cat yowled and scratched and the boy immediately put him back in his cage, now staring at his bleeding hands in dismay.

“He doesn’t seem like a sweetheart,” the boy muttered with a pout. Yaku ignored him in favour of bathing his tail.

“Oh honey, he’s just shy around strangers,” the witch tittered, coming closer, "Yaku’s a little angel, aren’t you?”

When she leaned closer to the cage, Yaku immediately hissed and tried to scratch her but of course he couldn’t reach and she only laughed at his efforts.

‘I thought you wanted to get bought or something’ Iwaizumi asked, still in his hiding spot.

‘Not by a kid’ Yaku discreetly hissed in his direction.

‘He may not be as young as he looks’ the silver fox Suga (Sugawara Koushi, Elementary Teacher, kind personality) suggested from his cage. He’d been watching the proceedings like the rest of the shop was, apparently.

“How much if I bought him?” the boy was asking, wiping his bloody hands on his jeans. The scratches weren’t deep, but he’d probably need to clean them as soon as possible.

“Oh, not much at all,” the witch began leading the boy to the back of the shop where a rickety table stood in lieu of a counter. Sometimes Iwaizumi wondered if the witch took being a witch way too seriously.

‘It looks like you don’t have a choice’ Iwaizumi slowly crawled out his hiding spot, joining Yaku in staring at the two figures who were now discussing prices and cat care.

Not five minutes later and the boy was walking out the shop with a very pissed off Yaku in a cat carrier in his arms. Iwaizumi hoped the boy was ready for what he signed up for.

‘I wonder if he’ll be alright’ Suga mused, once the witch had disappeared from the shop again.

‘Yaku’s a tough guy, he can take care of himself’ Iwaizumi answered helpfully, then added ‘what are you doing, Kyoutani?’

“I liked Yaku’ the dog answered with a deep growl, pacing the cage that was a little too small for the movement ‘I don’t trust that kid.’

‘It’s okay, Iwaizumi’s right’ Suga, whose cage was right beside his, reached a paw out between the bars ‘Yaku can definitely take care of himself.’

‘I really hope so’ Kyoutani let the fox pet him and he curled up again, still a little tense.

Iwaizumi bathed his face for a bit, thinking. Suga and Kyoutani had been there before Iwaizumi and were the only other animals in that shop that used to be human. Actual animals were sympathetic of their situation but most of them didn’t really care to make conversation with other species, especially cursed ones. Most of the animals also had the opinion that they were better off as furry creatures than humans.

‘Don’t _you_ guys want to get bought?’ the cat asked out of curiosity and both the fox and the hound stiffened.

‘It’s not that easy, being a fox and all’ Suga almost looked sheepish.

‘I bite’ was all Kyoutani said, before turning around and facing the wall instead of either of his companions.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think that through’ Iwaizumi tried to apologize but Suga only shook his head.

‘It’s okay, we’ve been here long enough to figure that one out’ Suga tried for a smile, which came out oddly endearing on his fox face.

***

“This is such a creepy pet shop Sawamura, I feel like I’m gonna get jumped.”

“I didn’t suggest we check the creepy pet shop out Oikawa, you did.”

“But still!”

Iwaizumi was woken from his cat nap by a pair of voices, one whiny and another softly exasperated. He looked up from his hiding spot to find two grown men in casual wear, just inside the door. They were looking around apprehensively and the taller one actually jumped when Kyoutani began growling his warning at them. Iwaizumi had long since given up on telling the dog that his warnings almost never worked.

“I don’t like this, Oikawa,” the short one with the exasperated voice and who Iwaizumi assumed was Sawamura, began tugging his companion back out. Smart, that one.

“Don’t be such a baby, it’s just a dog and it’s in a cage,” the whiny one- Oikawa, answered as if he hadn’t been the one complaining earlier and boldly walked further into the shop, right past Kyoutani’s cage. The dog’s gaze never left him but he had at least stopped growling.

“Is that a fox?” came Sawamura’s astonished voice and he crept closer to crouch down in front of Suga’s cage.

“What sort of pet shop sells a fox?” Oikawa scoffed for some reason, as he peered at all the other cages in turn.

“A witch shop would-“ Sawamura probably only meant it as a joke but his eyes widened and met Oikawa’s horrified glance with his own.

“Should we run?” Oikawa’s voice lowered and he looked around warily, as if he really was expecting to get jumped.

“Don’t panic,” Sawamura swallowed down the fear creeping up on him and tried to take his own advice, "if this was a witch shop she would have appeared by now right?” Iwaizumi had to agree with that, at least. Where _was_ the witch?

“Well if you say so Sawamura, you obviously know about these things,” Oikawa visibly relaxed, but he was decidedly more careful in what he touched as he looked around the shop.

“Don’t start with me…” Sawamura replied distractedly, attention already back on Suga. His hand slowly but surely reached out to touch the fox, who stared at him blankly- maybe even a bit surprised.

‘I think he likes you’ Iwaizumi commented, to which Suga looked like he wanted to protest. But he was frozen in place, until Sawamura’s hand brushed against his fur and reluctantly he pressed back, allowing himself to be petted.

“I think he likes you. Congratulations,” Oikawa observed, looking skeptical, "are you going to buy him now or something?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sawamura frowned at him but only for a moment since he was pretty busy with paying all his attention to Suga, who looked like he was starting to enjoy himself too.

“What? It’s not like you can’t afford him,” Oikawa shrugged before going back to his investigating the rest of the shop, "if anything, he’d be able to help with your job if you trained him.”

“I _can’t_ afford him, not with _my_ salary,” Sawamura directed another frown at him, this one much more stressed.

“If you say so,” Oikawa grinned, apparently used to his friend’s seemingly steady reaction to anything he said. Iwaizumi wondered if that’s pretty much what their friendship was.

‘Does that mean Suga’s going to get bought?’ Kyoutani asked then, decidedly staring at Iwaizumi.

The cat shrugged ‘I don’t know’. At that moment, Oikawa had been staring curiously at some bottles near Iwaizumi’s cage and when the cat moved he definitely saw it. He crept closer, and his face bloomed into a smile when he realized what he saw.

“Look at what I found,” he singsong-ed, picking up Iwaizumi from his cage and cradling him in his arms, "why were you hiding there, little Iwa-chan?”

Kyoutani scoffed though it came out as a bark, and Suga grinned which made Sawamura take a step back from his now visible teeth.

“Is that what your name is? Iwa-chan?” Oikawa apparently, took the other animals’ reactions as affirmation and he cuddled an increasingly disgruntled Iwaizumi to himself, "would you want to come home with me?”

He actually stopped cuddling for a moment to look at Iwaizumi and the cat couldn’t help but notice how _pretty_ the man was, especially this up close. He had soft brown hair and big doe eyes that made his smile something short of dazzling. Iwaizumi wondered if he was a model.

“Are you going to buy him now or something?” Sawamura mocked, raising a brow and almost smirking.

“Maybe,” Oikawa stuck his tongue out at him childishly.

“Well, are you?” came a third voice and Iwaizumi wondered why the witch’s entrance took longer than usual.

Both Oikawa and Sawamura jumped, eyes widening. The witch emerged from the back as she always did and gave the two a toothy smile. She _really_ enjoyed making people jump.

“That there’s a quiet one,” the witch gestured to the cat still in Oikawa’s hands. But her smile became something like a grimace when she looked at Suga, "unfortunately the fox might be a little too expensive for you young gentlemen.”

“Oh no, Dai-chan can definitely-“ Oikawa was saying but Sawamura quickly stood up and elbowed him, pretending he was just walking past him.

“I think we’ll buy the cat, thanks,” he said, giving a supposedly friendly smile. The witch smiled back, and led him to the counter. After a moment Oikawa followed reluctantly. Iwaizumi figured it was because both Sawamura and the witch’s smiles had been somewhat scary.

When the two humans plus Iwaizumi were heading out of the shop, the cat locked eyes with Kyoutani and the dog nodded his goodbye.

‘I’ll get them to buy the both of you’ Iwaizumi promised, right before they stepped out the shop and he couldn’t see his friends anymore.


	3. Cats and Idiots Don’t Mix Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Look, Iwa-chan, you can’t be the picky one in this relationship."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the comments and kudos they give me life in this empty void of a writer's world T.T Here's my weekly (?) humble offering of a fic.

“Tada! We’re home, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa pushed the door to his apartment closed with his foot and dropped all three shopping bags and his new cat on the floor. Said cat gave him a look before trotting off, no doubt to explore his new home. Oikawa still wasn’t sure what possessed him to agree with buying the cat.

It wasn’t like he didn’t like cats. Iwa-chan was, all in all, a cute cat. And he was well behaved, if a little too quiet. They didn’t even have to get him a cat carrier, Oikawa mused, picking up the bags he had discarded earlier and heading for the kitchen. All throughout the car ride from the (creepy) pet shop to the supermarket for proper (and not creepy) supplies and even after dropping Sawamura off at his own apartment, mostly Iwa-chan just stared. He stared out the window, he stared at Oikawa’s phone when it was placed beside him at some point, he stared at the little mouse toy Oikawa had tried to give him to play with. Sawamura had expressed concern over this and Iwa-chan just stared at him, cocked his head a little and meowed. Oikawa had thought it amusing, as if Iwa-chan was calling his friend an ‘idiot’.

“Iwa-chan! Do you want to eat?” Oikawa called out, taking out the food bowl and the cat food first. He could probably set up the litter box and the other stuff later.

Iwa-chan padded into the kitchen just as Oikawa was putting away the cat food. As if he knew exactly what to do, the cat jumped on the counter and inspected his bowl. Oikawa watched as he sniffed at the food, glanced up at him and promptly pushed the bowl to the floor, making a mess. Oikawa gasped.

“How dare you!” he exclaimed and Iwa-chan just stared at him, almost looking offended himself. Oikawa was having none of it though and he picked the bowl up again, salvaging what he could of the food. It was just dry pellets so it’s not as messy as he initially thought.

“Look, Iwa-chan, you can’t be the picky one in this relationship, "Oikawa tried to sound stern, placing the bowl back in front of the cat, "just ask Kuroo. Oh speaking of Kuroo, I bet he’d like you. Anyway as I was saying, you can’t be picky. That thing’s good for you, I think.”

Iwa-chan just stared at him and Oikawa swore he was frowning. Or maybe that’s just how he naturally looked. Either way, they were having a staring contest and when Oikawa didn’t back down the cat meowed loudly before sniffing at his food again. Finally he slowly began to eat.

“That’s a good kitty!” Oikawa grinned, patting Iwa-chan on the head briefly. The cat looked up at him again with a sure scowl before going back to his food.

“I’ve never had a cat before but I hang around Kuroo enough so I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Oikawa talked while putting away more of the stuff he bought, "and you seemed like a well behaved cat so I’m trusting you not to destroy my apartment while I’m at work. And I’m at work a lot, okay?”

Oikawa glanced at the cat, feeling silly as he did so and felt even sillier when he realized the cat wasn’t even paying him attention. Why would he? He’s a cat!

“Anyway, I’ll get you a cat door eventually but until then you should probably stay inside while I’m at work,” Oikawa continued nonetheless, while folding up the now empty shopping bags, "unless you prefer to mingle with alley cats all day. I won’t judge. You look like an alley cat yourself. Are you sure you’re a purebred?”

He leaned against the counter beside Iwa-chan, who was still sniffing around at his empty bowl. Again, Oikawa wasn’t being paid the slightest attention to. He pouted and scooped the cat up in his arms.

“Don’t ignore me, Iwa-chan!” the grown man whined and cradled Iwa-chan in his arms. Remembering seeing Kuroo with a bunch of cats (a bunch of times) he began scratching under Iwa-chan’s chin lightly and was rewarded with a reluctant purr and finally the cat looking slightly relaxed.

“We’ll get along fine won’t we, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa cooed, "even if you’re ugly and your fur is all weird- maybe I should give you a bath- OW! IWA-CHAN COME BACK HERE!”

At the mention of his fur the cat had begun struggling and as soon as the word bath popped up he had scratched Oikawa on the arm and ran off, hiding behind the sofa.

***

It wasn’t that Iwaizumi didn’t like baths. He enjoyed a nice, long soak after work as much as the next person- when he was still a person. But something in his gut now said baths are _bad_. Large bodies of water are _very bad._ He figured it was the same area in his brain that had him enjoying cat kibble. That is, the _cat_ area that was recently downloaded.

‘Oikawa needs to clean this place’ Iwaizumi thought to himself, nose twitching at all the junk that had accumulated behind the couch. There were a lot of crumpled up papers, a wii remote, two different patterned socks, a poster that looked like something green vomited on a grey, blown up balloon, and a probably-blue handkerchief. All topped off with at least three inches of dust. Sneezing lightly, Iwaizumi tried not to displace any more dust while contemplating his situation.

Not that he hadn’t contemplated a lot before he got there. He’d thought and thought, all throughout the car ride and the shopping. He had been thinking of Yaku’s plan and how the hell he’s supposed to convince Oikawa that he’s in fact, a human. At some point he thought of typing out a message in Oikawa’s phone but he wasn’t sure he won’t get kicked out at the curb without a backwards glance if he did so. Oikawa seemed the type to do that when panicked. And then his friend Sawamura (Dai-chan?) had pointed out that ‘isn’t he too quiet? His staring is sort of creepy’ and it took Iwaizumi a moment to realize that he was right. He promptly offered a meow. It felt weird making a sound after so long and Oikawa had laughed for some reason.

“Iwa-chan! Where are you?” Iwaizumi was jolted out of his musings by his human’s light, tilting voice. He struggled not to sneeze again and give away his position. But he failed and was inevitably scooped up by a pair of actually sorta careful hands.

“Iwa-chan you don’t have to be scared of baths! I’ll be gentle with you,” Oikawa cooed but his grip on Iwaizumi became anything but gentle. He thought maybe this was payback for scratching him earlier. He began struggling again but this time Oikawa was prepared and there was no escaping his fate.

Approximately one hour and a symphony of yowling and screaming (from both human and cat) later, Iwaizumi and Oikawa emerged from the bathroom. Both of them were dripping wet, one triumphant and the other shivering in the former’s arms.

“See? That wasn’t so bad,” Oikawa beamed, dropping Iwaizumi on the couch and rubbing him with a towel all over. Iwaizumi growled lowly but refrained from scratching, actually too tired from the whole thing. And judging from the red marks all over Oikawa’s arms he’d done enough damage for the day.

“Hush you, it’s for your own good,” Oikawa scolded lightly, too pleased with himself to do much else, "now your fur won’t be so clumpy and I can actually enjoy petting you. Stay here while I go take a bath myself.”

Iwaizumi burrowed deeper into the towel, thinking how much he _hated_ the cold. He never thought he’d hate the cold this much, or at all. What use was all his fur against the elements if it was going to get _wet_? Baths are the dumbest things to be invented, Iwaizumi decided, resolutely licking his tail before realizing what he’d just thought. Maybe the _cat_ area in his brain was growing too big.

While Iwaizumi tried to speed up his drying process by rubbing himself all over the towel and eventually all over the couch, Oikawa romped around his apartment in various states of undress until he ended up in the ugliest pair of blue and yellow alien pyjamas Iwaizumi had ever seen. It was distracting enough that he didn’t notice the popcorn and DVDs until the former was placed beside him on the couch and the latter was being set up in the DVD player by a very chirpy Oikawa.

“Since we’ll be living together Iwa-chan, you have to know all about my- well, me, Oikawa Tooru,” Oikawa turned around briefly to offer a grin, and in response Iwaizumi raised a leg and moved to clean his balls. But of course he doesn’t do that because cat brain or not that’s just gross.

“Rude,” Oikawa huffed, pouting, but immediately went back to smiling as whatever show he put on started playing. He settled unto the couch beside Iwaizumi, cradling the bowl of popcorn. If the cat could talk, he’d definitely point out how Oikawa had just set up the most ‘I am single as fuck, which obviously I’m not getting enough of, if any at all’ arrangement in his living room. He was spending the night with his _cat_ while watching- Iwaizumi squinted at the screen, trying to figure out what the hell they’re watching- oh, _Star Wars_. What a loser.

But then again, Oikawa wasn’t the one caught by a witch and turned to a cat. So who’s the real loser here?

At some point Oikawa started petting Iwaizumi again, and again the cat couldn’t find it in himself to complain. If anything, the guy really knew how to pet a cat.

“You know, if you scratch me again I’m going to get your claws clipped,” Oikawa hummed softly, though Iwaizumi was already drifting asleep. In the beginning he had hoped he would fall asleep more like a cat than a human because in all honesty, Iwaizumi as a human had always slept like a rock. But no such luck. As soon as he got tired enough and comfortable enough, Iwaizumi found himself fast asleep.

***

Iwaizumi woke up to Oikawa rushing around the apartment, obviously late for something. He wore somewhat professional clothes, button up shirt and dress pants and such and Iwaizumi found himself wondering what Oikawa’s job was. And what time it was.

Hopping off the couch lightly, Iwaizumi padded into the kitchen, following the aroma of cat food already prepared at the counter. Glancing at the wall clock as he jumped on said counter, again the cat wondered what Oikawa’s job was and why it required him to leave in a hurry at 6 in the morning.

“Kuroo’s going to kill me,” Oikawa muttered, diving into the kitchen and frantically reaching for his keys. When he spotted Iwaizumi on the counter he paused long enough to grin at his cat and give him a pat.

“Don’t mess stuff up, Iwa-chan or I’m going to get you neutered,” Oikawa warned airily, already out the door, keys and phone and bag in hand, "bye bye! I’ll be back in the afternoon!”

When the door shut behind him, Iwaizumi could feel the silence settle into the house. He was all alone there for several hours. It was time to investigate.

After about three hours and two thorough tours of the entire house, Iwaizumi had gathered several significant facts about the house and its occupant.

One, Oikawa was _really_ obsessed with aliens. There were posters, DVDs, and alien themed paraphernalia scattered in each room.

Two, Oikawa had a thing for lotions, hair product and perfume. He spotted several bottles in the bathroom and a few more in the bedroom.

Three, he wasn’t messy but Oikawa wasn’t clean either. In fact, if Iwaizumi were human he would probably be comfortable with the clutter. As a cat, with all his nimbleness and agility, the mess was more than manageable.

And four, Oikawa’s job had something to do with math- physics, even. Iwaizumi found a desk covered in diagrams and doodles and equations. He can’t pretend he understood half of them but they looked important.

All in all, it looked like Iwaizumi found himself a decent human, if a little eccentric. If he believed in aliens and witches (who didn’t believe in witches though?) then he’d believe if Iwaizumi just explained that he wasn’t a cat but in fact a human stuck as a cat. Now if he could just figure out how to explain. He thought maybe typing it out somewhere would work, but damn it's hard to even open anything with his paws. Iwaizumi had to think of something else. The cat, who sat on the desk covered in papers and stuff, looked around until his gaze landed on a nearby pen.

‘I wonder if I can still write as a cat’ was the thought that drifted in his mind and with a tentative paw, Iwaizumi swatted at the pen. It rolled a couple inches away and Iwaizumi found himself swatting at it again until it rolled off the table and fell to the floor. Completely forgetting his initial goal Iwaizumi raced after it, feet slightly slipping and sending papers fluttering about.

***

Oikawa came home to a black and grey cat sleeping peacefully on his couch and maybe a tad more cat fur than he’d have liked lining most of his home’s surface. For a cat with short hair, Iwa-chan sure shed a lot. At first glance everything seemed just as he left it, and Oikawa gave the cat a pat on the head as he passed him by.

“Good kitty,” he said, giggling when the cat didn’t stir, "what a heavy sleeper for a cat.”

He made his way through the living room, kitchen, bathroom, shedding shoes and clothes along the way. Arriving in his own bedroom however, had Oikawa stopping abruptly. Papers were scattered all over the floor and somehow the bedsheets were halfway off the bed and a pen was sticking up out of the potted plant by the window sill. Upon closer inspection, it looked like someone had tried to collect the papers again but ended up making a crumpled, messed up almost-pile in the middle of the room. He didn't know how it was possible but there was only one suspect.

"Iwa-chan~" Oikawa stalked to the living room, still in his work clothes. He somehow felt more irritated when he saw the cat was still very much asleep. Creeping closer, he picked the cat up and was trying to remember where he put the cat carrier when he realized two things. One, he never bought a cat carrier. And two, the bundle of fur in his arms were starting to wake up and he could feel the claws poke holes in his shirt.

"No Iwa-chan don't you dare I swear I'll- OWFUCKITIWA-CHAN!"

Oikawa shook his arms about, forearms adorned with red, bloody scratches. Iwa-chan had ran and crawled beneath the refrigerator and for the life of him Oikawa can't even figure out how he fit in there, much less get him out. What happened next can best be described as a domestic spat.

"Iwa-chan I swear if you don't come out of there I will not feed you for a week! _A week!!"_

 _Meow_. ('I will not be neutered!')

"It's your fault for messing up my papers! I had a very important equation going, you know!"

 _Meoorrw_. ('It's your fault for leaving that pen and those papers lying around! They were taunting me!')

"You little shit! How dare you talk back at me! I didn't raise you this way you ungrateful brat!"

 _Mrreeeooow_. ('you _didn't_ raise me.')

Oikawa continued pacing in front of his fridge, screaming in frustration every now and then. Honestly, Iwaizumi thought he was being just a little overdramatic. But what does he know? He only met the guy yesterday.

"Okay, Iwa-chan how about this," Oikawa had calmed down somewhat, and he knelt in front of the fridge, "I promise not to get you neutered if you promise not to go into my room ever again. Deal?"

Iwaizumi thought about it and, deciding it wasn't too bad of a deal, crawled out from under the fridge. It was pretty cramped in there, after all.

"Yay, we've made up," Oikawa didn't waste any time and scooped Iwaizumi up in a very forceful cuddle but Iwaizumi let him, just this once. They had to get along with each other at some point.


	4. The Cat Whisperer (Fails)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Iwaizumi then realized was, he didn't know much about Oikawa's friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could answer all your super cool comments but I'm so busy I barely have time to update let alone write and all the projects I have piled up that nobody even knows about and OTL TvT Thank you very much for the comments and kudos please know that you're all appreciated!!

It was a few weeks later. Oikawa had gotten used to having a cat lying around, always at arm's reach, sometimes seemingly purposefully there right on time to trip him and make him drop whatever food he had on hand, sometimes he'd find sleeping on top of the wierdest places like in an empty flowerpot, on the couch's armrest, and that one time curled up around a beer bottle he'd accidentally left on the coffee table.

Iwaizumi, also, had gotten used to the random cuddle attacks, being talked at, the bowls of milk when he managed not to scratch Oikawa the whole day, the apparently bi-weekly bath, the 'I'm home, Iwa-chan!' that meant he can stop being bored, bugging Oikawa when he stays up too late at night working on whatever it was he was working on, and the habit of ignoring the voice in his head that told him he's not supposed to be enjoying these things.

That day seemed like it would hold the same routine, at least until Oikawa got home from work.

"I'm home, Iwa-chan!"

Cue Iwaizumi padding _not_ excitedly towards the livingroom where he knew Oikawa would be, taking off his shoes and maybe holding a new toy he could completely decimate in under five minutes while Oikawa complained about how expensive it was.

"Pardon the intrusion."

Cue Iwaizumi stopping in his tracks, already by the door connecting the kitchen and the livingroom, eyes wide and trained on the person grinning down at him. The person who wasn't Oikawa (he'd already taken off his shoes and had walked past Iwaizumi into the kitchen) and had the strangest bed hair Iwaizumi had ever seen.

Now after living with Oikawa, Iwaizumi had found out several other things about the man. For example, his job was a physics professor, though only so the University would fund whatever his research was. Sometimes Oikawa would rant to Iwaizumi about it, but try as he might Iwaizumi couldn't catch most of what was said to him. Oikawa liked milk bread, he wanted to try growing plants in the summer, he loves science and even more so science fiction, he used to play volleyball up until college, and various other little things. What Iwaizumi then realized was, he didn't know much about Oikawa's friends.

"Hey there, kitty," the man cooed in a totally not creepy way, taking a few steps towards Iwaizumi, crouched down, hand extended for a tentative pat.

'Who the fuck is this?' was the thought running over and over in Iwaizumi's mind. Just as the man's hand was inches away from his furry furry head Iwaizumi ran off into the kitchen, jumping on his spot on the counter and staring suspiciously at the man who walked in after him.

"Your cat's weird, he doesn't like me," the man commented, sounding baffled.

"Iwa-chan has taste, that's all," Oikawa stuck his tongue out at him, but conceded, "go on Iwa-chan, let him pet you. I swear Kuroo's not a creep."

The cat didn't look convinced, but he obediently walked over to where Kuroo was leaning on the counter. As soon as he approached, Kuroo straightened up excitedly. But just as his fingers were about to brush against Iwaizumi's recently bathed fur the cat darted out of the way again, earning a very disappointed wail from Kuroo and a proud gushing from Oikawa.

"That's my Iwa-chan," Oikawa cooed, grabbing the cat and cuddling him something fierce. To Iwaizumi's credit he only growled a little bit.

"Okay that cat is messing with me," Kuroo, however, growled a lot, "are you sure that's even a cat?"

"Well, duh, what else would he be?" Oikawa rolled his eyes at him, setting Iwaizumi back down on the floor. The cat, unperturbed, just jumped back to his spot on the counter, smugly cleaning a paw.

"I don't know, an alien?" Kuroo shot out, and immediately regretted it, "no wait I didn't-"

"Really? You think he's an alien?" Oikawa gasped out, grabbing Iwaizumi _again_ and holding him close enough that their noses almost touched, "you'd tell me if you were an alien, right, Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi stared down their noses and promptly sneezed, earning even more fierce cuddling from his owner.

"That was so cute, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa giggled, "but seriously you'd tell me if you were an alien, right?"

The cat, who had been growling since Oikawa began cuddling him, paused. Then he offered a soft meow that Oikawa accepted with a satisfied nod. He let Iwaizumi go and the cat went back to his spot, lying down but still staring at the two men.

"So, beer or coffee?" Oikawa offered, but was stopped short by Kuroo's puzzled look.

"That cat listened to you," Kuroo said, receiving a nod from Oikawa, "and he answered you, after you asked. Does he always do that?"

"Well, when Dai-chan mentioned that he was quiet he quickly meowed at him," Oikawa shrugged, "he answers stuff, so what?"

"Cat's don't 'answer stuff' they don't care," Kuroo sounded so sure of himself, "something is seriously up with that cat."

"Don't be silly," Oikawa huffed, "and for interrupting me earlier, you can go get your own drink."

"Seriously? Look at that thing!" Kuroo tried to argue, but Oikawa was already leaving the kitchen, "did you at least get it checked out?" he looked back at the cat, who had sat up with ears perked as soon as Kuroo said 'something is seriously up'.

Kuroo could have sworn the cat glared at him for the rest of his visit.

***

For days after Kuroo's visit, Iwaizumi was careful not to rush out whenever Oikawa got home. He'd always check if there were anyone with him and if there were, Iwaizumi made sure to get under the couch as fast as he could. It made Oikawa give him a bath earlier than scheduled but he didn't really mind. In fact Iwaizumi almost demanded it, half afraid he'd forget liking baths when he's turned back into a person.

And that's exactly what he's been meaning to do. The friend Kuroo had at least noticed Iwaizumi's efforts in not being a cat (minimal they may be). If he could convince Kuroo that he's not a cat but in fact a human turned into a cat, he can convince Oikawa and- well he hadn't thought that far yet.

But ever since that day, Kuroo hadn't visited, not even once. Iwaizumi even tried to ask Oikawa about him but the idiot just didn't get it. He almost got taken to the vet _twice_ before Iwaizumi gave up, figuring Kuroo would come back at some point on his own.

"Iwa-chan, I might be home late today, don't mess things up," were Oikawa's parting words that particular Friday and really, Iwaizumi couldn't care less at the time. Oikawa came home at different times during weekends, since contrary to Iwaizumi's first impression apparently the guy _did_ have a life.

But that Friday night a significant event happened, one to mark both Oikawa's and Iwaizumi's memories.

It started when Iwaizumi woke up to groaning. Maybe he was still half asleep and the _cat_ part of his brain was in too much control, but immediately his mind lit up with danger signals, and he ran to the bedroom where he heard the sounds.

He knew he made a deal with Oikawa about never going into his room but this was an emergency! Iwaizumi hesitated at the door, but soft thudding and more strange sounds convinced him to slip into the room.

It was dark, but the hall light offered enough illumination to tell Iwaizumi that Oikawa was on the bed with someone else and sheets were tumbling everywhere. Immediately Iwaizumi jumped on the bed with claws extended, all ready to cut up whoever hurt his Oikawa. There were many a confused shouts and Oikawa managed to fall off the bed and turn on the lights.

Iwaizumi stared at him with wide, shocked eyes, claws still digging into the bed sheets. The unknown man was half naked, with scratches along his abdomen and arm, looking halfway between shell shocked and irritated. Irritation won over and he huffed, grabbing his shirt and stalking out. Oikawa didn't even bother going after him.

"Iwa-chan how dare you," Oikawa hissed after he heard the front door close, "how dare you! No milk for a week!"

Iwaizumi just stood on the bed, still reeling from the past few minutes. Had he really thought that? Had he done that? Had he- Had he thought _that_?!

Thinking he was being ignored again, Oikawa picked the cat up and carried him back to the kitchen, where he decided against locking Iwa-chan up for the night. No milk was punishment enough, probably.

"Goodnight, Iwa-chan," Oikawa sighed, shaking his head as he went back to his bedroom, "thanks for ruining it."

***

Iwaizumi didn't feel bad. No, not at all. Why would he feel bad? It wasn't like he _knew_ that Oikawa was making out with someone. Or that Oikawa was gay. Or at least interested in men. It didn't even matter, not one bit.

It must be something else that made Iwaizumi feel weird whenever he saw Oikawa even just half naked. It _has_ to be something else that made Iwaizumi restless, always pacing back and forth and staring out the window looking for- for _something_. And what was that smell? It didn't smell bad, it just smelled really really weird. And somehow Iwaizumi wanted to smell more of it so where exactly was it coming from?

Oikawa, on the other hand, had thoughts along the same lines. Ever since that failed night, Iwa-chan had been acting all weird. He'd get this twitchy look on his face everytime Oikawa even so much as took off his shirt in his presence, like he wanted to sneeze. And what was he looking for, exactly, with all his darting around the house going from window to window? He complained to Kuroo about it at some point, and the man was more than happy to enlighten him.

"I don't know about the whole seeing you naked part but," Kuroo paused for dramatic effect, "your cat's finally acting like a cat. He's horny, Oikawa. It's probably mating season for him or something."

"Seriously?" Oikawa scrunched his nose at the thought, "maybe I _should_ get him neutered."

"Didn't you tell me he hid under the fridge until you promised not to?" Kuroo frowned, "that's still very weird, by the way."

Oikawa promptly ignored him. Iwa-chan won't do that again, surely.

"Iwa-chan? I'm home," Oikawa singsonged, and after a few minutes the cat came padding out to greet him, "how was your day? Find whatever you're looking for?"

The cat simply stared at him, and Oikawa gave him a pat as he bent down to take off his shoes.

"I was telling Kuroo about the stuff you'd been doing, and he said it was mating season how funny is that?" Oikawa kept talking as he went about his routine, "then I mentioned neute- Iwa-chan, seriously?"

Without even waiting for him to finish, Iwaizumi darted under the fridge, prepared to hold out for as long as he had to, until the issue was dropped once and for all.

"Honestly, you're being ridiculous," Oikawa sighed, sitting in front of the fridge, "it's not like you get to meet any lady cats anyway! Plus it's healthier and would give us both a lot less stress. Come on, Iwa-chan."

 _Mmrrrreow_. ('Hell no.')

"You won't even feel a thing, I swear! They have these procedures and stuff."

No meow, just low growling. ('Fuck no. Never')

"Look, either we're going to get you neutered or you have to stop acting so weird."

Growling increased. ('Oh yeah? How about _you_ do that?')

"Okay that might have been a bit too much to say ('oh, you think?') but we can't just let you be all horny like this!"

Silence. Oikawa wondered if he'd done something wrong.

"Iwa-chan?"

No answer.

"Iwa-chan, I'm getting a little worried."

What Oikawa didn't know was, Iwaizumi had figured out why exactly he was 'horny'. Even with the overwhelming cat-ness of it all, he was still human. And humans get turned on by, well, other humans. Humans who looked really hot all disheveled and messed up and still somehow in really good shape despite being some sort of science nerd. Long story short, Iwaizumi was turned on by Oikawa. Constantly. Maybe its just been too long. Yeah that's probably it.

"Iwa-chaaan! Did you die in there?" Oikawa reached a hand under the fridge and was met by a scratch. After some frantic scrabbling Iwa-chan got out from under the fridge and ran under the sofa instead.

"Okay you're starting to worry me," Oikawa followed after him, but was actually relieved Iwa-chan even decided to get out from under the fridge, "I'll leave it a day or two and then we'll see if you still need the N word, okay?"

There was no answer, but Oikawa figured Iwa-chan not hiding under the fridge should be answer enough.

***

The next day was one of those days when Oikawa woke up late and had to rush around the apartment getting ready. Surprisingly he never forgot anything, though as many times as that happened Iwaizumi figured the guy's used to rushing around. That particular day, however, was the one day Oikawa forgot something. It wasn't anything big, really. He just forgot to close one of the living room windows.

As soon as Iwaizumi was sure Oikawa had driven off, he quickly sneaked out, enticed by the prospect of being able to roam around in town and maybe get rid of his 'excess energy' that he couldn't take care of as a cat the same way he used to do as a human.

But Iwaizumi didn't count on one thing; getting lost. Everything was so much bigger and farther than he's used to, and he'd never been in that part of town before. He's not sure he's even in the same city he used to live in. In a matter of minutes Iwaizumi was helplessly lost.

Street cats were a lot less friendly, too. Not to mention the dogs. There was an instance during which Iwaizumi hadn't noticed the huge stray until it was nearly on top of him, and he could've sworn he jumped three feet into the air. He managed to scratch the dog in the face while in the air too, but that only resulted in a mexican stand off, with Iwaizumi having to rely entirely on cat instinct to make the dog hesitate long enough for him to run away. It was pretty bad, but he got away unscathed.

After that Iwaizumi was more careful, and he did his best to trace back his steps and look for Oikawa's apartment again. Sadly he wasn't even sure what the apartment looked like from the outside. Needless to say, Iwaizumi spent several fruitless hours wandering the streets. And then he met another dog.

That encounter was a lot more pleasant, though.

'Iwaizumi!!' came the exclamation, and Iwaizumi's head whipped around at the familiar voice.

'Kyoutani! It's you!' Iwaizumi thought he felt himself grin, weird as that was, and he approached the dog, who panted at him excitedly',how are you? how'd you get out?'

'I got bought,' Kyoutani grinned back, and it wasn't weird at all',Yahaba was just taking me for a walk, too! He's in there buying me a treat right now.' The dog gestured to the shop he was currently stationed in front of. It was a little bakery with a childish arts-and-crafts theme. Kyoutani was on a leash that's tied to the pole usually used for bikes.

'Yahaba, huh? Is he nice?' Iwaizumi sat in front of him, prepared for the catching up to begin.

'He's really nice,' Kyoutani even nodded, and Iwaizumi can't help but notice how _not_ grumpy the dog was', he's strict, though. But he's nice. How about you? Did you run away from your human?'

'Nah, Oikawa just forgot to close a window' if Iwaizumi could've shrugged (he's still working on it)', have you tried telling him yet?'

'No, I don't know how,' Kyoutani became considerably less happy at that, and Iwaizumi wished he had thought his question out more', you?'

'Same problem,' Iwaizumi attempted a sigh, which came out really weird in his cat form', Oikawa's nice, but I don't think he'd handle the news well.'

'Have you heard from Suga?' Kyoutani asked, tail wagging', he got bought by your human's friend a few days after you did.'

'He did? I didn't know- Oikawa hadn't mentioned anything about it,' Iwaizumi frowned to himself', maybe he didn't know?'

Kyoutani shrugged (he was a tiny bit more successful than Iwaizumi). They chatted for a little while until Kyoutani's human came out of the shop.

"Kyouken, don't bother the cat," was his human Yahaba's greeting, and Iwaizumi watched as Kyoutani huffed, ignoring the thump thump thump of his tail wagging. Yahaba was pretty (though not as pretty as you-know-who), and he smiled when Kyoutani reluctantly accepted the little pastry he offered.

When Yahaba untied his leash from the pole and made to walk away, however, Kyoutani hesitated.

'Hey no- it was good seeing you,' Iwaizumi nodded goodbye, but Kyoutani wasn't sure he wanted to leave his friend alone.

'You'll get home safe?' he asked, even as Yahaba tugged on his leash more forcefully.

'Yeah I'll find my way back,' Iwaizumi realized what he said only after he said it, and Kyoutani gave a dissatisfied grunt.

'You're lost' the dog stated as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Kyouken, stop bothering the cat, let's go," Yahaba was starting to frown", I thought we talked about this."

Kyoutani looked back at him and then to Iwaizumi, somehow sending the message he wanted with a few grunts and growls.

"You want to take him home?" Yahaba really frowned this time", is he your friend? Does he have an owner?"

Iwaizumi watched in fascination as Kyoutani managed to have a full conversation with Yahaba before he was being picked up gingerly.

"Alright, let's find your owner," Yahaba seemed put off by it, but he held Iwaizumi nonetheless, and Kyoutani looked pretty content with that.

It felt weird being carried around by someone who wasn't Oikawa, especially out on the street, and Iwaizumi had no clue where to start looking, so neither did Kyoutani nor Yahaba. They just sort of walked around a little.

"Iwa-chan? Excuse me! You're holding my cat!"

It was truly a miracle, having only to walk down several streets and finding a very frantic Oikawa, still in his work clothes, running and shouting at them. Kyoutani began growling.

"Ah, so you're his owner," Yahaba gave a somewhat friendly smile and happily handed Iwaizumi over to Oikawa, who cooed and gushed and reprimanded him all at the same time for a solid three minutes before giving an also somewhat friendly smile.

"Thank you, I forgot to close one of the windows this morning," Oikawa explained, "I didn't think Iwa-chan would sneak out and get lost but, well, I guess I was wrong."

"It's no problem, 'Iwa-chan' seemed to have befriended my dog," Yahaba kept up his smile but he glanced at his still growling dog more than a few times.

"Really? That's- "finally Oikawa noticed that the dog didn't look too kindly at him, "that's real cute! I, uh, I think I should go. Thanks again, uhm..."

"Yahaba Shigeru," Kyoutani's human supplied, "maybe try a collar, too. It'll make finding him easier next time."

"Yeah, thanks," Oikawa's smile was thinning, "Oikawa Tooru, by the way. See you around, Yahaba-san."

'Be careful, Iwaizumi-san,' Kyoutani warned, ending his growling with a huff.

'He's a good guy, don't worry' Iwaizumi tried to assure him.

Yahaba had started walking away so Kyoutani gave his version of a wave to Iwaizumi, who waved back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my chapters are just one fluff-fest slash funny shenanigan after another??? what's the point of this story except barfing out fluff??? Is that enjoyable???


	5. Playdates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AKA the other pets and owners make tons of appearances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so busy I don't have a break at all ever until, like, wednesday. So here's something while I can still function.

It took Iwaizumi several tries, but he managed to swipe at Oikawa's phone hard enough and enough times that he 'accidentally' called the contact 'Thigh-chan' (Dai-chan, Thigh-chan, it only took him a few minutes to get it) two or three times. It was sufficient, and Sawamura called back to see what's up.

"Dai-chan! How long has it been?" Oikawa chirped into his phone, dropping the small shopping bag on the couch. He had gone to a pet store to buy his cat a collar and had only then gotten home.

"No, I don't think I called you," Oikawa even gave a distracted laugh, and Iwa-chan was rubbing up against his legs, meowing every so often.

"What do you mean, playdate? With who?" Oikawa frowned, tossing his shoes aside and going through the motions, with the added difficulty of handling a phone conversation and what he figured to be Iwa-chan's way of apologizing for running away. Which is to say, rubbing against him and also trying to trip him to an early grave.

"No way! I thought you said-" Oikawa plopped down on the couch, loosening a few buttons on his shirt and settling on that, "okay, but what does that have to do with Iwa-chan?"

The cat perked up when he was mentioned, and he stopped rubbing against Oikawa's side to stare at him, going so far as to climb up on his torso.

"Oof- wait- Iwa-chan, get off!" Oikawa complained, and somehow that caused some frantic yipping from Daichi's end of the line. Iwa-chan meowed readily, answering each noise with his own.

"Alright, okay, we'll have a playdate," Oikawa groaned, pushing Iwa-chan off of him. The cat landed on the couch lying down but was quick on his feet, meowing loud enough to still be heard over the phone.

"Yeah- I can hear how they know each other, Sawamura," Oikawa muttered into the phone, pushing Iwa-chan again when he tried to get closer, "I'll text you details. In case you haven't heard, Iwa-chan says hi."

He ended the call, sticking his tongue out at his cat, who had quieted down when Oikawa stated his goodbyes.

"There, are you happy?" Oikawa huffed, flipping hair out of his face, "I don't know how you know Dai-chan's pet _fox_ but you're getting a playdate. I hope your satisfied, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi nodded, rubbing his head against Oikawa's hand softly and purring. Now he got to see Suga again, after all.

With a defeated sigh Oikawa began petting him, then he sat up, grabbing the shopping bag he'd discarded earlier. Petting Iwa-chan with one hand and opening the bag with the other, he brought out the collar he bought. It was a light blue-ish green, or green-ish blue depending on who you ask. A metallic tag the shape of a shield held his identifier. And it fit Iwa-chan perfectly, in Oikawa's honest opinion.

"Tada! You look very charming, Iwa-chan," Oikawa grinned, giving his cat a pat before standing up and heading for the kitchen. Iwa-chan didn't follow, too busy pawing at the thing around his neck.

***

'Suga!'

'Iwaizumi-san!'

The cat and the fox circled round each other, noses and whiskers touching ever so often in greeting while their owners gushed embarrassingly in the background. It was the weekend again, a few days later, and as promised Sawamura brought his fox Suga over to Oikawa's house. Now the two men shared coffee in the living room while their pets were seemingly content with just sitting beside each other, occasionally touching or sniffing or (as Oikawa called it adoringly) nose booping.

'How are you? I didn't know Oikawa's friend bought you,' Iwaizumi was trying to grin again, and Suga was not to be defeated.

'I'm great! Daichi's a very active person, and he likes taking me to work!' Suga did his own version of a purr.

'Huh, Oikawa never takes me to work,' Iwaizumi wished fleetingly that he could smirk', probably because I messed up his papers that one time.'

'That's mean, 'Iwa-chan',' Suga did something akin to a snicker, and Iwaizumi was thankful cats couldn't blush (or could they?)',have you heard from Kyoutani? Yaku?'

'Nothing from Yaku, but I met Kyoutani the other day,' Iwaizumi recounted his encounter with their canine friend, and Suga seemed content.

'He sounds like he's in good hands,' the silver fox even gave a little nod.

'Hey, what's Daichi's job?' Iwaizumi asked, ears perking up 'when I saw him he looked like an office guy.'

'I thought so too, but it turns out that he's a detective,' Suga glanced up at his owner with something like fondness in his eyes', and sometimes he helps out with his father's job, too. It had been a tradition that a member of their family becomes the head of the Miyagi branch of the International Witch Hunters Association.'

'He's a witch hunter?' Iwaizumi's tail flicked with interest', does he know about you?'

'Only sometimes. And no, but I think he's started to guess,' Suga gave what was probably a shrug 'I'm thinking I'll just let him figure it out eventually.'

Iwaizumi wondered offhandedly how long that'll take.

Meanwhile, a slightly different conversation had been taking place between their humans.

"Why didn't you tell me you bought the fox, Sawamura!" Oikawa pouted, feigning betrayal, "and here I thought we were friends!"

"I didn't know that we were," Daichi was only slightly irritated, but with Oikawa it had become almost expected, "my coworkers were freaked out at first, too. In fact, if it wasn't for my family's legacy, they probably would've thought me to be a witch."

"Oh, so you took my advice?" Oikawa preened then, all thoughts of betrayal forgotten, "I told you he'd make a great partner! Do you take him on your other job, too?"

"Yes? He's surprisingly very helpful with fighting off witches," Daichi frowned to himself then, "actually I wanted to talk to you about that. Has anything weird been happening to you? Something that might concern your cat?"

"No? Iwa-chan's a perfectly normal cat," Oikaw rolled his eyes at him, "you sound just like Kuroo."

"I'm just asking," Daichi said in defence", it's just- Suga's _really_ smart, and sometimes he acts almost- I don't know, almost _human_. And you remember that shop where we got them right? It took me three days to find it again, and the lady looked at me weird the whole time. She almost asked me 'how' as in 'how did you find this place again?'. It's all very suspicious."

"Hm, actually I think you were right," Oikawa said in mock seriousness, "you probably should've stayed away from your dad's job. It's turning every odd thing into a witch hunt. This is why there was that whole witch craze in Salem, remember?"

"That's a completely different thing. Plus how do you even know about that?" Daichi protested, "and you thought that was a witch's shop, too!"

"Please, Sawamura, everyone knows about that. But that doesn't mean Iwa-chan's evil or anything," Oikawa dismissed the issue with a wave, "that would mean your fox is evil, too."

"I'm not saying they're evil! I'm just saying, there's something off about them," Daichi argued, frowning deeper, "at least- at least promise me you'd call if something weird happens."

"Oh Dai-chan, I didn't know you care," Oikawa batted his lashes at him in an exaggerated manner.

"You're impossible," Daichi groaned, shaking his head.

***

It's a few days later, when Oikawa came home with some surprising news.

"So Kuroo wants a playdate," Oikawa said nonchalantly, going through the motions with Iwa-chan staring at him curiously.

"I told him about your playdate with Suga," he explained with a shrug, "he said that was a totally cool idea and you should have one with Kenma, too. Kenma's his cat. Well, his boyfriend's also named Kenma. Weird cat fetish, that one. Anyway, we're going to come over to his place tomorrow after work. Put on your pretty kitty face, okay, Iwa-chan?"

At that point the cat had stopped paying attention to him and began bathing his tail in thought. He'd be seeing Kuroo again, and Iwaizumi thought he had another chance to convince someone that he-wasn't-a-cat-he-was-a-person-turned-to-a-cat. Unfortunately, Iwaizumi thought wrong.

The next day, Iwaizumi found himself being inspected by a pretty calico cat with longish fur, looking fairly amused at his stumbling introduction. Their owners chatted amiably in the background.

'I'm Iwaizumi- well, Oikawa calls me Iwa-chan,' Iwaizumi had began, not sure what he was supposed to say to this quiet lady scrutinizing him', I'm not a cat- I mean, obviously I am but I wasn't originally, I was- technically I still am, a human- I mean, I'm a human turned cat, that is-'

'Calm down, I know,' Kenma said, amusement clear in her voice 'you lot always smell funny, you know. Not quite human, not quite animal. You seemed to have adjusted to being a cat pretty fast, though. Do you like it?'

'No,' Iwaizumi answered gruffly, then realizing that might have been rude, relented 'I mean, it's nice, it's more relaxed than being a human, I guess. But I'm more comfortable as a human than a cat.'

'I understand,' Kenma then did something akin to a chuckle, and what Iwaizumi figured was equal to someone shaking their head 'I guess technically I can't _really_ understand. I've never been human, so I honestly wouldn't know how to compare them. Sometimes I wonder, but it seems more trouble than its worth, turning to a human.'

'I suppose' Iwaizumi supplied after a moment, thinking Kenma wanted some form of response. But the cat was deep in thought. Iwaizumi waited, and a whole minute passed between them. Kenma looked up, then, and meowed softly. Kenma- the human Kenma, who had dyed blond hair that had started to grow back to black at the top and had winced at Oikawa's loud chirpy greeting when they arrived, sat beside his cat counterpart, petting her absently. He had put his game aside, and now studied Iwaizumi as quizzically as his cat had.

"You're not a cat," Kenma said in a low voice, too low for Kuroo or Oikawa (who had been arguing about something insignificant at the time) to hear.

Iwaizumi stared up at him, glanced down at the cat Kenma. She was purring softly, rubbing against human Kenma's hand enthusiastically. He imagined her smiling coyly at him and nodding encouragingly. He looked back up at human Kenma's gold catlike eyes and nodded.

"You were cursed," Kenma continued. It was not a question but Iwaizumi nodded anyway.

"You want to know how to turn back?" this time Kenma did ask, and Iwaizumi nodded a little too enthusiastically. Maybe he should be wondering how human Kenma knew all this, but for some reason he wasn't. Human Kenma studied him more critically, leaning in closer. Even cat Kenma stopped purring and moving, watching her master with something like pride in her eyes.

"Only the witch who cursed you can turn you back," Kenma concluded, frowning slightly, "sorry, I guess."

Iwaizumi wished he could have sighed. But he guessed he wasn't supposed to find an easy way out, anyway. He offered a meow as 'thanks, anyway' and Kenma nodded slightly.

"I won't tell anyone," he said, giving Iwaizumi a soft pat before going back to his game. Neither Iwaizumi nor Oikawa had noticed it, but as soon as human Kenma approached the cats, Kuroo had watched them carefully. He didn't hear what his boyfriend had said, but he _knew_ he saw the cat nod a few times.

Later on, when Oikawa and his cat had gone home, Kuroo tried to approach the subject subtly. The key word being 'tried'.

"So... what do you think of Oikawa's cat?" he asked, as he and his boyfriend lazed around in the living room. Human Kenma was curled up on the couch, most of his attention on his game. Cat Kenma was curled up on Kuroo's lap.

"He was nice," Kenma answered, and you could hear the shrug in his voice without him having to actually move.

"Nothing strange about him?" Kuroo intoned, raising a brow, "nothing creepy or wrong?"

"There's nothing creepy about him, Kuroo," Kenma gave a little sigh, "whatever you're thinking, drop it."

"Hey I'm not thinking of anything," Kuroo said unconvincingly, "I was just wondering if Iwa-chan was some sort of evil spirit or demon or something and Oikawa might be in danger. That's all."

"You tried to put a curse on Oikawa once," Kenma pointed out.

"That was years ago," Kuroo scoffed, laughing uneasily, "and it didn't work anyway. But now I really care for the guy, honest! Please, pudding?"

Kenma quietly clicked away at his game for a moment. Kuroo pouted at him relentlessly. Finally Kenma paused his game, looking up at Kuroo. Kuroo didn't stop pouting, and Kenma sighed.

"Iwa-chan is not a demon, or an evil spirit," Kenma said carefully, "he's not evil at all, and as far as I could tell, he liked his owner."

"Really?" Kuroo's pout turned to a dejected frown, "that's it?"

"I don't think there's much else I could say," Kenma gave an almost shrug, and went back to his game. Cat Kenma decided at that moment to ask for Kuroo's attention, meowing loudly until Kuroo began petting her.

"What do you think, Kenma?" he asked the cat, still frowning, "is Iwa-chan to be trusted?"

Cat Kenma would have laughed if she could. She knew her humans well enough to guess that no matter her opinion Kuroo wouldn't stop until he was proven right, and Kenma wouldn't interfere unless he _really_ had to. But since she couldn't laugh she mewed unconcernedly, rolling and stretching languidly in Kuroo's lap.

"Not you, too," Kuroo whined, "you think he's just a normal cat? Nothing weird about him at all?"

Cat Kenma tried to get Kuroo to start petting her again, but seeing as he was too distracted she scrambled off of him, paws pat pat pattering away into some other part of the house. After all, Kuroo was technically right. Cats don't answer stuff. Cats don't care.

***

Kuroo's hypothesis was simple. If Iwa-chan wasn't a real cat, being forced into an unwanted situation would make him reveal his true form, whatever that was. And he knew one situation that was considered very much unwanted by most living things, cat or not.

And that was why, not even a week later, during a nice lazy sunday, he was banging on Oikawa's door, an innocent backpack slung over his shoulder. It was already half past ten, but Oikawa seemed to have just woken up.

"What the hell Kuroo?" he grumbled, running a hand through his puff of bed hair that rivaled Kuroo's own.

"Good morning, sunshine! I have a very fun idea for Iwa-chan," Kuroo barrelled past Oikawa, looking around for his victim, "where is the little furball?"

"Iwa-chan is probably hiding under the couch, like he always does when we have visitors," Oikawa followed him to the living room, irritation clear on his face, "if you'll stay behaved for a few minutes I think he'll come out. I'm going to go make myself coffee. You can't have any."

"That's okay," Kuroo sat on the couch, legs pulled up, staring down at the floor and waiting for any sign of Iwa-chan to present itself. He looked like a very excited child who's a little too invested in a game of tag. This was not entirely untrue.

Oikawa stared at him, and shook his head. It was too early on a weekend for this shit, he decided, and went to get his coffee.

It took Oikawa more than thirty minutes to make coffee, because his coffee making ritual involved spending a considerable amount of time in the bathroom fixing his hair. And that was without the hair products.

When Oikawa padded back to the living room, a nice hot cup of coffee in hand and some toast (because why not) he was met by a rather surprising sight.

Kuroo had scratches along his arms, which was not the surprising part because if he dealt with Iwa-chan he was bound to end up like that. He also had a triumphant smirk on his face, which was also not that surprising considering it was Kuroo we're talking about. Iwa-chan was growling, which again wasn't all that surprising either.

The surprising part was, Iwa-chan was wearing a cute maid outfit, the types specifically tailored for cats. Kuroo held him up to Oikawa, who stood speechless by the doorway.

"Kenma and I bought a bunch of costumes for our lady cat at some point," Kuroo explained, "I wanted to buy ones for _Kenma_ too but I almost got kicked out. I thought Iwa-chan would enjoy these, though."

"He doesn't seem like he's enjoying it," Oikawa pointed out, getting over his shock and sipping coffee nonchalantly. Kuroo frowned, peering at Iwa-chan, who looked just about ready to murder someone.

"Really?" he asked, sounding disappointed, "do you think he'll like the astronaut costume more?"

"Why don't we put it on him and see?" Oikawa answered after a beat, putting down his coffee and toast in favor of jumping at the backpack where the costumes undoubtedly came from. Sometimes you're really left with no choice but to go with the flow, after all.

And flow it did. After the astronaut was the schoolgirl, sailor outfit, cowboy outfit, nurse, several victorian era doll dresses with all the frills and laces, and a dozen other embarrassing costumes. At first Iwaizumi did his damnest to struggle and escape, destroying quite a few of the costumes along the way, but between Kuroo and Oikawa's almost sadistic enthusiasm he really stood no chance. In the end he had to accept his fate.

It was one of the worse sundays of Iwaizumi's life. And it was also the day he vowed revenge, cat or not. Unbeknownst to Kuroo, his experiment had succeeded. He was definitely going to see Iwa-chan's true form. Let's hope he's prepared for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure hope y'all enjoyed that. And please, please know, thank you so much for all your support.


	6. Party Everyday (?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't smoke weed, kids. Also drink moderately. It only seems fun before and during, but the after is just... so much regret and shame. But you all probably know that. Also, poetic license cause honestly being high isn't that funny. Or coherent. Let's just say Oikawa is special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the gods and other deities have answered our prayers and sent a storm to clear my schedule and give me time to update eyyyyy

It was another Sunday, and once again someone was knocking on Oikawa's door at ten in the morning. He trudged downstairs with the intention of telling Kuroo to fuck off, but found himself facing a really tall, gangly teen in a hoodie. He smiled at Oikawa, and offered a hand to shake.

"Hello! My name's Haiba Lev," the man introduced himself", is this the home of one black and grey cat who goes by the name, ah, Iwa-chan?"

"Why the hell are you looking for my cat?" Oikawa was still not quite awake, and he didn't like being so confused so early on a Sunday morning (and it still was morning, for him).

"Because Yaku's looking for him," Lev said as if that made all the sense in the world", and we heard from Kenma-san that he lives with you now, so we decided to visit as soon as we could."

Oikawa frowned at him for a long moment", we?"

"Yes, me and Yaku," Lev reached into the huge pocket of his hoodie and pulled out a cat, who looked just as disgruntled as Oikawa felt. It was that moment that Iwa-chan became curious enough to peek from behind Oikawa's legs, and upon seeing the other cat, began meowing excitedly. The cat, Yaku, struggled out of Lev's grip and padded off inside, Iwa-chan right beside him.

"Huh, I guess our cats know each other," Oikawa mused, eyebrows raised. He stepped aside with a yawn", Oikawa Tooru. Come on in then. I'll go make coffee."

"Thank you, sugar and milk, please," Lev made a beeline for the couch, at the foot of which were the two cats, having their own version of a conversation.

'I can't believe you found me' Iwaizumi was having a bit more success in grinning these days.

'Of course' Yaku very nearly preened', I was lucky, Lev's a witch hunter. It didn't take me too long to convince him of my situation.'

'So he knows?' Iwaizumi was properly impressed', even Suga's had trouble telling, and his human's a witch hunter, too. I have no idea how to tell Oikawa.'

'Oh, Lev will tell him, probably without meaning to,' Yaku nodded over to their humans, and Iwaizumi followed his gaze', watch.'

Oikawa was coming back, two mugs of coffee in hand. He gave one to Lev and drank from the other, trying to wake himself up more. He sat beside Lev, who he thought was unfairly too chirpy.

"My cat seems to know a lot of people's pets," Oikawa commented.

"They must've been in the same pet shop together," Lev supplied", Yaku said he had a friend fox and a dog, too. I haven't found them yet but maybe your Iwa-chan knew them, too?"

"Yeah, I know someone with a pet fox," Oikawa frowned", I didn't know pets made friends like this. Did you?"

"I don't know about normal pets, but I learned in class that its normal for the cursed to group together, sort of like making their own support group," Lev informed him happily", Yaku's a big help to my studies, too!"

Iwaizumi sent Yaku a look that had the latter's almost-pink fur become somewhat appropriate.

'Okay, he might not be a witch hunter  _ yet _ ' Yaku admitted, tail twitching', but he's graduating soon.'

"I'm sorry- the cursed?" OIkawa's frown deepened.

"Yeah- you know, people kidnapped by witches and cursed into one form or another?" Lev seemed pretty proud for remembering that", Yaku's one. And your Iwa-chan, too."

"Uhm, I think I'd know if my cat was a _cursed_ _person_ ," Oikawa laughed disbelievingly", Iwa-chan's a perfectly normal cat thank you very much."

"But he's not a cat, Oikawa-san," Lev began to frown, too, as if it was too obvious that he was right", he's a human cursed into a cat. Like Yaku."

"No, he's not," Oikawa huffed", he would've told me if that was the case. Right, Iwa-chan?"

Suddenly Iwaizumi found himself the centre of attention. Yaku was urging him to tell them, and he looked back and forth between Lev and Oikawa. Then, in an admittedly cowardly move, he bolted out of the room.

"See?" Oikawa leaned back, sipping his coffee as if he'd proven his point clearly", he's not."

Lev stared after Yaku, who followed Iwa-chan out of the room.

"I guess not," Lev hummed thoughtfully, though he was still slightly confused. Maybe he interpreted Yaku wrong? But he'd been communicating with him so well so far.

'What the hell was that?' Yaku demanded, catching Iwaizumi in the kitchen.

'I panicked' Iwaizumi whined', Oikawa's convinced I'm a cat and he'd done a lot of things he probably wouldn't have if he knew I wasn't and it would be too embarrassing to tell at this point.'

'Let me guess, you've seen him naked?' Yaku asked, and if he could have raised a brow he would've', he'd lamented some stupid secrets and problems? he's cooed over you in public? You caught him having sex- wait, you caught him having sex?!'

Iwaizumi was nodding to all of it, and gave a slight shrug at the last one.

'Accidentally cockblocked him, actually,' the cat admitted.

'That's no reason not to tell' Yaku huffed', it's not like its  _ your _ fault he's an embarrassing pet owner.'

Iwaizumi just whined, hiding his face in his paws.

"Yaku! We have to go!" Lev called from the living room all of a sudden, surprising both cats. The tall man bent down to scoop his cat up, slipping him into his hoodie's pocket again.

"Thanks for the coffee," Lev nodded to Oikawa", our cats knew each other but sorry for accussing Iwa-chan of not being a cat."

"Don't worry about it," Oikawa smiled good naturedly, though he was all too obviously herding Lev out the door", give me a call before visiting next time, okay? Bye bye!"

Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa closed the door and slumped on the couch, groaning.

"This better not become a thing," Oikawa muttered, pouting up at the ceiling", I need my Sundays, dammit."

***

"What are you doing here at one in the morning on a Saturday?" Oikawa demanded.

"Kenma found the ruined outfits," Kuroo shrugged", and she told Kenma. So now I've been exiled."

"Serves you right," Oikawa scoffed", so answer my question. What are you doing  _ here _ ?"

"Aw come on, can't a friend stay over for a little bit?" Kuroo pleaded", Bo's still out of town on a job and you know I'm not allowed to be in his aunt's presence. I swear that woman hides a gun in her knitting basket."

"Not my problem," Oikawa said dismissively and moved to close the door. But Kuroo blocked him, and by the time Oikawa finished his indignant squawk he had already shoved himself halfway in.

"Pleaaase," Kuroo tried to grin innocently", just one night? I'll leave later in the afternoon, I promise. I'll sleep on the couch and I won't bother you. Please?"

Oikawa groaned, way too tired to be dealing with Kuroo. He told the guy as much, and walked off, intending to go back to sleep.

"Lock the door," he said with a yawn, waving a hand behind him.

"Okay, thank you! Good night!" Kuroo called after him, admittedly relieved. He didn't want to have to sleep out in the streets, after all.

He settled on the couch, thankful that Oikawa was too picky and didn't have one of those really uncomfortable ones. It wasn't too long before he fell asleep.

An hour later, a small figure crept silently into the room. Tail twitching, Iwaizumi jumped on the coffee table, paws making no sound as he did so. He stared at his target, feeling the primal thrill of sizing up his prey. He tensed, back arched, front low and ready to pounce. He counted Kuroo's steady breaths. One... two...

And then Iwaizumi struck!

He leapt from the table and directly at Kuroo's face, claws extended, paws outstretch. With an angry yowl  he reaped his revenge on the unsuspecting man.

***

Oikawa had barely gotten back to sleep when Kuroo's pained and angry yells reached his ears, and for a moment he considered just ignoring him. But Kuroo's noises became mixed with a cat's yowling and he sat up with a curse. Was that Iwa-chan?

"What the hell is happening?" Oikawa shouted as he entered the living room.

Kuroo straightened up from where he hunched by the couch, undoubtedly trying to reach for Iwa-chan. Even from where he stood Oikawa could hear his cat growling.

"Your cat scratched me in the face," Kuroo complained, pointing at the angry red scratches all over his cheeks and neck. They weren't deep, but they seemed painful nonetheless.

Oikawa quickly covered his mouth, trying to stop the laughter from escaping. A soft giggle managed to come out however, and Oikawa burst into a fit of laughter. 

Kuroo looked severly unimpressed. He crossed his arms, waiting patiently for Oikawa to finish laughing at his misery. It took a while.

"I'm sorry I just-," Oikawa giggled", I apologize for Iwa-chan's behaviour."

"Really," Kuroo frowned sourly", you put him up to it, didn't you? You told your freaky ass cat to attack me!"

"No! I didn't!" Oikawa held his hands up in innocence, still unable to stop the occassional giggle", I have no idea why Iwa-chan would even do that. Except maybe to get back at you for the whole dress up thing."

"Say what you want," Kuroo huffed", but I'm not going to sleep until that cat is kept in a different room. And if I'm not going to sleep, neither will you."

This effectively put a stop to Oikawa's mirth, and he pouted, walking over to the couch. He sent a glare in Kuroo's direction before crouching down, speaking softly", Iwa-chan, come out! I promise I won't punish you or anything."

The growling stopped, but it didn't seem like the cat was crawling out yet.

"Please? We all need sleep," Oikawa pleaded", come on! I'll let you sleep in my room, if you want?"

Kuroo scoffed behind him but was pointedly ignored. After a minute of silence, a pair of furry ears peaked out, followed by the rest of Iwa-chan wiggling from under the couch. Oikawa scooped him up immediately, away from Kuroo's pretty pissed off look.

"Wash your face before you sleep," Oikawa called out behind him, walking as fast as he was able back to his room, giggling again.

Making sure to lock the door, Oikawa flopped on the bed, Iwa-chan still in his arms.

"Let's sleep," he announced happily", and if you touch any of my stuff, I'll let Kuroo have you. Understood?"

The cat wriggled out of his grip and slinked beneath the bed, giving a soft meow. Oikawa figured that'll have to do, and promptly burrowed under the covers.

***

"Ahh, it's been so long since we did this," Oikawa sighed happily, walking over to a stall and staring at the various 'all natural' products displayed. He had several bags in his arms already, while Daichi trailed after him with a few of his own. Suga and Iwa-chan had been left in the supposedly capable hands of Lev, who insisted Yaku wanted to see Suga, too.

"Yeah, the last time we went 'shopping' was when you got your cat, right?" Daichi stared distractedly at a particularly big store selling 'organic pet stuffs'. He wondered if he could get Suga something.

"It was," Oikawa moved on, apparently dissatisfied, and eyed the stall Daichi was paying attention to. With a nod, he managed to drag Daichi towards it", and that was months ago, wow! In two weeks, I'd have had Iwa-chan for six months. Time sure flies, doesn't it?"

"It does," Daichi looked at the cute collars", it's amazing how fast you get used to having pets around, huh?"

"I don't even notice the stupid cat hair on my couch now," Oikawa actually chuckled, a fond look on his face Daichi had rarely seen.

"Ohh, you have a cat, sir?" the one manning the stall beamed at them, making the two jump at the interruption", then you should buy our 100% organic catnip! Grown in our very own backyard! Guaranteed to make your cat blissful and happy."

The man held up a white package with the words '100% Organic CATNIP' written on it in bold print, with some smaller script below the title. Oikawa wondered if he should ignore the redundancy, and ask how he could grow catnip himself. He'd read vaguely about them, of course, but not enough.

"Hmm, I don't know," Oikawa said, just to see how the (technically) salesman would react.

"You won't find anything like this in your local petstore!" the man insisted, going for another sales pitch", its been proven that catnip sold by large corporations have tons of unknown and quite possibly unsafe chemicals in them. You could be putting your cat in danger! And if you buy two bags now, I'll give you a little something for free!"

"And what might that be?" Oikawa raised a brow. Wasn't that a little too desperate for a sales pitch?

"A little catnip of your own," the man lowered his voice and winked secretively. He motioned for Oikawa to lean forward, and showed him something in a clear plastic bag that reminded Oikawa all of a sudden of some of his earlier college days.

"Uhh," Oikawa stared at it, dumbfounded. Did he look like someone who'd buy those things?  _ Would _ he buy those things? He glanced at Daichi for help, but the man was too busy marvelling at some spicy flavored chewtoys.

The salesman grinned at him, urging him to 'buy yourself and your surely loveable cat a little happiness!' (and damn if Iwa-chan wasn't fucking loveable)

In the end, both Daichi and Oikawa walked away from the stall with another little shopping bag in their arms.

***

"Iwa-chan! I'm home!" Oikawa called, and both Iwa-chan and Suga came running to the living room, followed by Lev, who had Yaku in his arms and was petting him. The cat looked disgruntled somehow, and Oikawa had honestly never seen him look like anything else.

"Hi, Suga," Daichi greeted warmly, crouching by the doorway and putting down his bags in favor of hugging and petting his fox, who licked his face affectionately. Oikawa scoffed at them, taking off his shoes first before exchanging his own bags with Iwa-chan, who grumbled but snuggled up to him dutifully.

"You're oddly cuddly today," Oikawa murmured, not at all bothered. In fact, he was way too content with just cuddling with Iwa-chan on the couch for the rest of the day.

"They had been talking about- ow!" Lev's happy statement was interrupted when his own cat scratched him, staring at him irritably", I'm sorry, Yaku!" Oikawa wondered what he'd done wrong.

"What were you saying?" Daichi looked up from petting Suga, and the fox's ears and tail drooped slightly at the loss of attention.

"Ah, we were watching some cat documentaries," Lev explained, smiling sheepishly", they said cats can get pretty affectionate at random times, especially in mixed breeds like Iwa-chan."

"Is that so," Oikawa hummed absentmindedly. He petted Iwa-chan while mentally going over the things he'd bought, thoughts lingering on a certain bag with questionable green stuff inside it. He realized he forgot to ask how much catnip he should give, but figured he could just google it later.

"Well, I have to go," Daichi collected his bags and stood up", I still have work tomorrow. Thank you for watching them for us, Haiba-san. Good luck on your exams- next month, yes?"

"Yes, sir," Lev nodded, grinning", I just  _ know _ I'll pass, and I'll be a licensed witch hunter like you!"

Daichi chuckled and nodded, encouraging Lev's enthusiasm. Oikawa watched their exchange tiredly. They had more to bond over than him and Lev, that's for sure.

Soon after Daichi and Suga were gone, Lev made his goodbyes too, Yaku meowing at Iwa-chan and the cat burying his face amongst the couch cushions. Oikawa couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw Yaku did something close to laughing as he slipped in Lev's hoodie pocket.

Oikawa took a moment to savor the quiet in his home, before sitting up, looking around at the bags on the floor until he located the one he wanted. He snatched it up, taking out two of the three packages inside. Realizing he forgot to google how much to give to Iwa-chan, Oikawa paused, but then shrugged and just tore open the bag, pouring some of its contents on the coffee table. Iwa-chan jumped on the table lightly, sniffing the small pile of catnip curiously. Oikawa opened his own bag, the clear plastic one, and sniffed it curiously himself. 

Well, here goes nothing.

***

It was a little after dinner, the Kozume-Kuroo household were lounging in the living room, playing a multiplayer zombie game on their xbox. Cat Kenma dozed lightly between Kuroo and Human Kenma. When Kuroo's phone rang, it was close enough to her that she looked up, startled. She stared accusingly at the offending object, and the game was paused, Kuroo offering a quick apology before answering it.

"Hello?" his inquiry was met with a fit of high pitched giggles, and Kuroo narrowed his eyes at the sound", Oikawa? Is that you?"

Again there were more giggles, before Oikawa's singsong voice answered", Iwa-chan's so cute! I think- pffft- I think I gave him a teensy bit too much catnip!" this was followed by more uncontrollable giggles.

"Catnip?" Kuroo was full on frowning now, and Kenma raised a brow at him. Kuroo shrugged, then asked Oikawa", how much catnip did you give him?"

"I only gave him a tiny pile," Oikawa answered in between giggling", but then that was gone, and he was going through the whole bag! He looks so funny! I took tons of pictures, wanna see?"

"No, Oikawa, no," Kuroo quickly said, hoping none was already being sent right at that moment", are you drunk?"

"Nope," Oikawa answered happily", but the really nice salesman gave me some of my own catnip and- You know what's weeird? Catnip's so weeird. It's like- It's like cat weed, isn't it?"

_ Holy shit, Oikawa's high _ Kuroo mouthed, barely containing his guffaw. Kenma's face twitched and he looked away to hide his own little grin. How long had it been since  _ any _ of them had been high?

"I love Iwa-chan so much," Oikawa was mumbling into the phone", I want to throw him a party! Ohh, we should definitely throw him a party! A six month celebration! You'll help me organize it, right? It'll be so cooool, there'll be streamers, and balloons, and Iwa-chan's other pet friends will be there and- and-"

"Yeah, you do that," Kuroo couldn't hide his chuckle", don't take any more catnip, okay? Put all of it away, yours and Iwa-chan's. Good night, Oikawa."

He hung up before Oikawa could answer, and he and Kenma shared a little laugh.

"I wonder how he'll be in the morning," Kuroo commented offhandedly, before they unpaused the game again and all thoughts of Oikawa getting high flew out of their minds.

***

Oikawa woke up to a messy livingroom, and he wasn't entirely sure it was all the cat's fault. Said cat was splayed over one of the armchairs, sleeping heavily like usual. 

He'd begun unpacking half the things he'd bought last night, apparently, since bags were torn up and items were scattered about. He located a half empty bag of catnip and a mostly empty bag of the other stuff on the coffee table, as well as the shopping bag containing the unopened bag of catnip. He stuffed all of those under the sink, deciding they've had enough catnip for now. It was his day off, thankfully, so he took his time sorting through the mess. He counted himself lucky that none of the other rooms- beside the raided refrigerator (and  _ that _ he remembered)- seemed to have been affected.

Oikawa's phone rang while he was vacuuming (Iwa-chan had hidden under the fridge every time he did, refusing to come out until he's sure Oikawa had put the machine away) and by then his mood had greatly improved. He was even humming softly as he dug the phone up from beneath some cushions.

"Hello?" Oikawa singsonged into the phone, turning off the vacuum momentarily.

"Hey, Oikawa, I'm calling to say I received your text, and also Kuroo's text last night," it was Daichi, sounding strangely amused", and if you're still up for it, I'll take that invitation for Iwa-chan's party."

"Party?" Oikawa repeated, utterly confused", uhm... I think I- oh.  _ Oh. _ Oh, yeah.  _ That _ party. Oh." He remembered it, if a little vaguely, but clear enough to know that he was definitely going to shave off someone's atrocious bed hair.

"Yeah," Daichi chuckled", Just tell me when. I'm sure Suga'll love to go, too. I'm only on break now, though. Bye."

"Uh, yeah, bye," Oikawa said a little blankly, and after a beat he spurred into action, checking his messages. 

Apparently he'd sent a message about 'Iwachans super awsome halfyear mark pet party!!!1' not only to Daichi, but also Lev, Kuroo  _ and _ Kenma, and even Yahaba, whom he'd only really talked to twice. Surprisingly, all but Daichi sent texts of confirmation. Daichi only probably waited to call because Kuroo had sent a warning text or something.

"Fuck," Oikawa sighed, looking at his own message in dismay", I guess I have a little party to plan."

***

In the two weeks Oikawa had to prepare the 'pet party' he managed to at least give it some organized form.

People were expected to arrive at 8, with food and drinks (food was optional, drinks were not and the more alcoholic the better) and of course, their pets. After some thought, Oikawa had invited a few more friends/coworkers whom he knew had pets, so that their group wouldn't be too small. Unfortunately he couldn't change the venue, and he could only hope his home would survive the onslaught of animals. Just in case, he made sure to pet-proof his house as much as possible. And to borrow a second litter box. And a third, just to be  _ really _ prepared.

Now, half an hour before the party, Oikawa had nothing to do but wait, amongst the animal themed decorations and the animal themed music playing on his speakers.

Not surprisingly, it was Daichi who arrived first. In fact, he was ten minutes early.

"Glad you could make it," Oikawa greeted like a proper host, taking Daichi's jacket and the boxes of pizza. Daichi was left to walk in with the cases of beer by himself. Suga sped past them, greeting Iwa-chan with a yip, the cat meowing back just as enthusiastically.

"I'm guessing I'm supposed to put these here?" Daichi gestured to the dining table, now situated in the livingroom where the couch was supposed to be (and the couch was moved aside, by the bedrooms). On the table were bowls of chips and snacks, as well as several bottles of different kinds of alcohol, along with three or four trays of shots already prepared.

"Yep," Oikawa placed the pizza on the kitchen counter, thankfully still in the kitchen. Then he changed his mind, bringing it out to the livingroom again", remember to read the house rules, Dai-chan."

Daichi  _ was _ reading the house rules, written down in neat, bold letters on a large cardboard hung over the refreshments table. It was suspiciously titled 'Take A Shot When Your Pet...' followed by a list of things your pet might do throughout the course of the evening.

  1. Makes any form of animal noise
  2. Runs in some random direction/ into a wall
  3. Gets chased by someone else's pet
  4. Chases someone else's pet
  5. Manages to topple something over 
  6. Jumps on anyone that's not their owner
  7. Had run off to Iwa-chan as soon as you arrive
  8. Manages to get someone else to feed them besides their owner (NO VOLUNTARY FEEDING OTHER PEOPLE'S PETS THAT MEANS YOU KUROO)
  9. forms a group of four with other pets



BONUS: Take  **_3_ ** shots whenever your pet HUMPS someone else's pet

"Does that mean you're taking a shot whenever Iwa-chan greets his friends?" Daichi asked, to which Oikawa pursed his lips at.

"Yes, and you too, your fox made a noise," Oikawa decided, grabbing one of the shot glasses and gulping down its contents", we're all going to get drunk, if you don't you're disqualified."

"What happens if I win?" Daichi asked, belatedly wondering what was in the glass while he was already drinking it. And when had they started talking about a game?

"You and your pet gets a prize, of course," Oikawa grinned, and Daichi had a feeling he might not like what the prize was.

Kuroo and Kenma (and Kenma) arrived a little after eight, soon followed by Lev, and then Yahaba. By then, Daichi and Oikawa had downed two more shots each, and with the arrival of Lev and Yahaba, they had to have two more. Cat Kenma was, sadly, quiet when they arrived, and Iwa-chan didn't make a noise either. Kuroo was free to laugh at Oikawa's house rules while they waited for the rest to arrive.

"Aren't you too young to be drinking?" Yahaba asked curiously, as Oikawa handed both him and Lev a glass each.

"Nope, I'm 23," Lev informed him, sipping at his drink", wait- Yaku didn't make a noise when we came! Oikawa-san, I'm not supposed to be drinking this!"

"Rule number 7," Oikawa called back, and Lev glanced at the house rules. He groaned but emptied his glass.

Soon, a spiky haired man who didn't seem any older than Lev arrived, with a very happy black and brown shi tzu with him. Oikawa introduced them as Kinchan ("Oikawa-san! It's Kindaichi!!") and his dog was named Macho. Unfortunately for Kindaichi, Macho adored Yahaba's dog Kyouken, and he was subjected to drinking each excited yelp. (Yahaba also had to drink everytime Kyouken tried to run from the attention.)

Next came Ennoshita Chikara, a somewhat simple looking man with black hair, neatly styled. His dog Rize was a quiet but excitable pug who was eternally curious about the cats. He would follow one around, alternating between them, and the cats in turn seem more than a bit bothered. But as long as nobody was showing claws or teeth the owners figured it was allowed, especially since everyone was drinking so much because of it.

Tanaka Ryuunosuke was technically Oikawa's colleague, they barely knew each other but he had a cat and a knack for getting the best booze, so Oikawa invited him too. His fat brown, black and white cat Betty, walked a few paces before plopping down on the nearest comfortable surface.

"Alright! Everyone's here!" Oikawa shouted to get attention, already well on his way to getting trashed", keep an eye on your pets and everyone else's pets, while let's have a Mario Kart Tournament!"

This was met with general agreement, and the party's underway.

***

It was three hours into the party.

Lev, Yahaba and Kindaichi were having a very drunk Mario Kart match, half the booze and food were gone, Human Kenma had slunked off to another room with Cat Kenma, Kyouken and Betty following him (Oikawa made Kuroo drink because of Rule no. 9) and the rest were amusing themselves drunkenly with the pets.

That was sort of what Ennoshita and Tanaka were watching them do, at least. They watched as Daichi did his best to pet Suga, Yaku  _ and _ Iwa-chan. Meanwhile, Oikawa and Kuroo were drunkenly (and vainly) trying to fight off Macho and Rize on the floor.

Surprisingly, Neither Ennoshita nor Tanaka were as drunk as their friends. Tanaka could hold his liquor well, and his cat didn't exactly go up and earn him drinks. Ennoshita, much to everyone's eternal amazement, simply did not participate in the house rules.

Besides watching the others make a fool of themselves, Ennoshita and Tanaka were trying to decide who had the weirder Oikawa-related story.

"You wanna hear weird?" Ennoshita was saying, sitting with Tanaka on the couch", Oikawa and I met because he had thrown scalding hot coffee at some jerk's face, asked him if it was 'too hot to handle' and then grabbed my iced tea and threw that at him too."

Tanaka did not even try to control his racuous laughter, sloshing his drink around and shaking visibly. Ennoshita huffed, thinking it wasn't  _ that  _ funny, but he couldn't stop chuckling at Tanaka's reaction.

"Please," Tanaka breathed out, calming down somewhat", please tell me there's more to that story."

"Oh, yeah," Ennoshita smiled at the memory", when the jerk stormed off, Oikawa just turned around and became this charming little shit like you won't believe. The manager didn't stand a chance, none of the employees either. He bought me my drink again  _ while _ insulting my drink of choice that was, apparently, 'too disgusting that early in the morning'.  Then he told me my hair really suited me and that was surprising to  _ him _ . For some reason we hung out again and again."

Tanaka was in stitches, and the pets were glancing at him curiously. Even Daichi was knitting his brows at them. Rize went over to Ennoshita, ever so curious as to what happened. When Oikawa and Kuroo got left by one of the dogs, they stared at each other, glanced at the still laughing Tanaka, and decided they needed another drink.

***

Something that wasn't known about that party, was that the pets had played a game to enjoy themselves too. To put it simply...

'Whoever gets their owner the most drunk wins' Iwaizumi announced.

'I'm game!' Suga quickly agreed.

'I'm not getting Kenma drunk but Kuroo's fair game' Cat Kenma nodded.

'That sounds fun!' Rize's tail wagged excitedly.

'I don't think I've ever seen Yahaba drunk' Kyoutani admitted.

'Tanaka doesn't get drunk easily' was Betty's contribution.

Macho and Yaku were more reluctant to agree, but Kenma was pretty persuasive.

That night, none of the human humans knew that it was their own pets that was to blame for the horrible hangover that descended over most of them.

***

Somehow, Oikawa managed not only to keep a track of how much everyone else drank (Kuroo's convinced he had hidden cameras in his own home), but he also sent a copy of the 'tally' to everyone as soon as he could. They all pretended not to have checked or remembered its contents because none of them wanted to give Oikawa any reason to tease them.

**Tanaka, Ennoshita** and  **Kenma** (human) did  **NOT PARTICIPATE BOOHOO**

**Level of Smashedness COMPARED TO how many drinks they had:**

**Kuroo** \- 'Staring at Kenma (both human  _ and _ cat) and actually purring then whining about how he doesn't know how to whine properly' level with 19 shots, 3 bottles of Tanaka's Beer, and 14 glasses of Questionably Mixed Substances courtesy of Yahaba  _ AND _ Daichi.

**Yahaba** \- 'Creating questionable drinks with Daichi while cackling wildly and later totally smashing Kinchan in Mario Kart' level with 12 shots, half a bottle of gin, 4 glasses of his own QMS

**Daichi** \- 'Making questionable drinks with Yahaba and then hogging all the cutsie little pets inCLUDING MY IWA-CHAN HOW DARE YOU' level with 14 shots, 7 assorted bottles of stuff, and only 1 QMS WHAT THE HELL

**Lev -** 'Mario Kart KING WOW YOU GO LEV and also idk he said something about creepy sexual dreams concerning his cat' level with 10 shots, 2 beers and LOL GUESS WHO'S A LIGHTWEIGHT

**Kindaichi** \- 'Sucking at Mario Kart and crying about how fucking gay you are for Kunimi just ask him out already sheesh' level with 23 shots, 9 assorted bottles of stuff, and 18 QMS HOLY SHIT

**Oikawa -** lol I stopped counting after the 17th shot sorry but I think I took 12 QMS who knows  **_BUT_ ** I will confess to a 'whining contest with Kuroo that ended up in disgusting sloberry attacks from Rize and Macho' level of smashedness.

**_WINNER: KINDAICHI AND MACHO!!! COLLECT YOUR GIFTS ANYTIME!!! ;) (OF COURSE YOU KNOW THAT MEANS AT REASONABLE HOURS, SUNDAYS ARE_ ** **_OFF LIMITS_ ** **_)_ **

**_Honorable Mentions:_ **

**-Yahaba and Daichi's QMS WE LITERALLY HAVE TO HAVE THAT AT THE NEXT PARTY OMG**

**-Thank you Daichi for bringing pizza and thank you Lev for bringing enough pop tarts for everyone (Thank you everyone else for the snacks that unfortunately weren't as good as pizza or pop tarts)**

**-The fact that both Lev** **_and_ ** **Kuroo hinted at beastiality**

**-Not getting poop or any other mess on my carpets congrats everyone!! :DD**

**-Betty getting up** **_just_ ** **so she could hump Rize and somehow Tanaka did not get drunk from drinking the rest of the QMS and whatever alcoholic beverage there was left**

**-Most snacks eaten: Ennoshita and Daichi (I swear you ate half the snacks just between the two of you what the hell)**

**-Also Kudos to human Kenma who not only stayed 100% quiet** **_and_ ** **sober the whole time but also got Kuroo to drink so much because the cats keep following him around and shit**

**-Congrats everyone for getting home safe!!**

**_ALL IN ALL THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ATTENDING IT WAS A FUN PARTY :DDD_ **

It was never really known how he managed to send it all to them at 8 AM the following morning, how he managed to make almost no spelling errors, and what sort of scale he used to determine 'level of smashedness'.

It was never really known either how much fun the pets had themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might or might not have been funnier in my head idk


	7. Wait, What Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well this is awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No really, writing this was so awkward I am ashamed OTL But hey it seems that sunday is and will be my only free time nowadays wow

It had already been a two days.

Oikawa still woke up feeling like he had an impending migraine and as if his throat took a poorly-thought-out vacation to the Sahara. He still received angry post-hangover texts from his wonderful friends every now and then. But he was  _ sure _ he hadn't touched anything even vaguely alcoholic since that night. He hadn't touched the stupid 'catnip' either (not that he could, that was the prize he gave to Kindaichi).

So what was he doing in his alien print pyjamas at five in the morning in his livingroom, gaping at his couch? What was his couch doing, containing a  _ very _ attractive,  _ very naked _ man in  _ very  _ good shape, drinking milk straight out of the container and munching his way through the bag of cat food?

Said man stared at him cautiously, still eating, still occassionally taking a swig from the milk, and Oikawa could see the slight tension in his ( _ very _ nice) body, as if he's waiting for Oikawa to freak out. And Oikawa was  _ definitely  _ planning to freak out.

"Uhm, who are you?" Oikawa began, sounding far calmer than he wanted to sound.

"Iwaizumi Hajime," the man answered with a thoughtful frown", but you call me- uh, 'Iwa-chan'."

"You are  _ not _ my cat," Oikawa very nearly huffed", you- you are not my cat! Where's my cat? What did you do to my cat?!" 

He began a frantic search all over the house that lasted about five minutes before he went back to the living room to glare at the (hot) intruder for answers. The man looked like he wanted to say something, but he shrugged helplessly instead. Oikawa ran a hand through his hair. Then both hands. Then he threw them up in frustration.

"What are you doing in my house?!" he demanded, voice a little louder than he intended. _Good,_ he thought.

"Technically, I've been living in your house for six months now," Iwaizumi pointed out", I was your cat."

"YOU ARE NOT MY CAT!!" Oikawa corrected him fiercely", my cat is a  _ cat _ ! Not some naked hunk with spiky hair and- and don't look at me like that!" the naked hunk was staring at him weirdly, like he was trying to frown and grin at the same time.

"I was cursed by a witch," Iwaizumi explained, sighing", I got turned to a cat, you bought me, and now for some reason the curse is broken and I'm not a cat anymore."

"No, no that's ridiculous," Oikawa's laugh was textbook hysterical", that would mean  _ Lev  _ was right and I've been doing embarrassing things in front of-  _ No!!" _ he ended with a whine, face morphed into an extremely horrified expression.

"Yep," Iwaizumi nodded, sympathetically (and hiding his own mortification)", unfortunately you have."

"That's not- shit," Oikawa tripped into the nearest armchair and stayed there, hands on his face", that's not true! It can't be true!"

"Didn't your mother ever warn you about buying strange cats from strange shops?" Iwaizumi huffed. He was  _ not _ feeling sorry for the guy and trying to cover it.

"Didn't your mother ever warn you about getting cursed by witches?" Oikawa shot back, hands leaving his face to reveal his sour expression.

Iwaizumi gave him an unimpressed look, before popping a handful of kibble in his mouth. Oikawa gawked.

"Stop eating my cat food!" he whined", and stop drinking my milk! And put some clothes on geez!"

"You never complained about any of  _ that _ before," Iwaizumi smirked. Oikawa reached for the nearby cushion and threw it at his face. It didn't stop the man from smiling but he did use the cushion to cover his parts, at least.

The reality of the situation was starting to sink in again in the resulting silence.

Thankfully it was interrupted by Oikawa's phone ringing. Iwaizumi poked around in the cushions (why  _ did _ Oikawa seem to have so many of them?) before finally finding Oikawa's phone, handing it to him wordlessly. Oikawa stared at him strangely before accepting, answering the phone with a quick look at the caller ID.

"Sawamura!" he sounded pleading", remember when you said to call you if I see something strange? Well there's a hot naked man on my couch claiming to be my cat!"

Silence, and then", there's an incredibly beautiful one in mine saying he's my fox."

Oikawa groaned, sinking further in his seat. Iwaizumi watched him,  _ still _ eating,  _ still _ naked.

"I don't think that pet shop was just a pet shop," he said, quietly. Iwaizumi snorted and he shot him a glare.

"Yeah, probably," Daichi did  _ not­  _ sound sarcastic, and he was sighing", I'll call the I.W.H.A. and ask around, maybe Suga and- uhm, can I stop calling him 'Iwa-chan'? What's his real name?"

"Iwaizumi Hajime," Oikawa answered, and a thought occurred to him", well Iwa-chan still  _ sort of _ applies, doesn't it? Hey, what's your guy's real name?"

There was some sort of conversation on Daichi's line, and then he answered", Sugawara Koushi. Suga still sort of applies, doesn't it? Then again, he technically picked it. Anyway, I'll see what I can find out. In the meantime, please don't kick Iwaizumi-san out."

Oikawa made an offended sound", who said I was kicking him out?"

"So... you're keeping him?" Daichi asked, and this time Oikawa was  _ sure  _ he was teasing.

"I'm letting him stay for- you know what I mean!" Oikawa groaned out, partway whining and partway angry", call me when you get anything!" and he hung up.

"Is that really how you should treat your friends?" Iwaizumi sounded too disapproving for Oikawa's taste.

"Well, you haven't been complaining the past few months, have you?" he muttered, sticking his tongue out childishly. He sat up, expression scandalized", I tried to get you neutered! You've seen and heard so many things!! _I tried to get you neutered!!_ And that time when I- you did that on purpose!!"

"Wha- I- no!" Iwaizumi seemed to be equally scandalized", it's hard to control cat instincts, you know! Maybe if you hadn't been so  _ loud _ then-"

"I was not  _ loud _ !" Oikawa protested.

"Well you're being loud  _ now _ aren't you?" Iwaizumi shot back, and just like that an awkward silence stretched over them. Again.

"I think I'll go make coffee," Oikawa said after a beat, jumping up and skittering to the kitchen before Iwaizumi could even look up.

"I'm borrowing your clothes," he called out, leaving his food and drink on the coffee table and slinking off to Oikawa's bedroom. He thought he heard Oikawa squawk out a reply.

***

Oikawa took his time making coffee (and making himself presentable). With a strange sense of 'what-the-fuck-is-happening-right-now' he went back to the living room, two mugs of coffee in hand.

Iwaizumi stood by the doorway, looking awkward as hell, and that wasn't just because of his borrowed clothing. Oikawa's pants were a little too long, his shirt and jacket a little too tight around the arms, his sneakers probably half a size either too big or too small, and Iwaizumi still held the bag of cat food in his arms, nibbling nervously.

"Uhm, where are you going?" Oikawa asked, placing the mugs on the coffee table before he had the chance to drop them.

"Well, I can't exactly stay here," Iwaizumi looked almost  _ bashful _ (it was oddly cute)", I was thinking of going back to my place- if its still mine. My landlord didn't like me anyway, he probably threw all my stuff out- but I still have a bank account I'll just tell them I lost my card- and I'm babbling I know uhm- thanks! By the way, for, you know, taking care of me and-."

"Wait, you can't just  _ leave _ ," Oikawa gawked, at himself or at the ridiculous situation he didn't know", I mean- you- I'd like to help!"

Iwaizumi seemed genuinely surprised by that, and Oikawa barrelled on. If Iwaizumi got to ramble so did he.

"You can use my phone, at least! And I mean, Dai-chan's a witch hunter, he can probably help you get your life back and," Oikawa was looking anywhere but Iwaizumi, and so missed his puzzled look", I heard they had procedures for these things or something- and Yaku! You probably want to contact your friends- uhm..."

"You'd really help me?" Iwaizumi cut in, as soon as Oikawa was slowing down", I mean, I did practically trick you into taking care of me for what, half a year?"

"I willingly adopted you didn't I?" Oikawa half laughed, still not able to look Iwaizumi in the face", anyway, helping you out is  _ way _ better than letting you run off with mismatched clothes and my cat food, right?"

Iwaizumi was about to reluctantly agree when he decided to notice a minor detail instead", wait, what do you mean 'mismatched'?"

"Please, that jacket does  _ not  _ go with those pants  _ or _ those shoes," Oikawa rolled his eyes at him, and finally the awkwardness was eased a little.

"I have to ask, though," Oikawa said before Iwaizumi could protest his fashion choice", why are you eating my cat food?"

"Oh, uhm," Iwaizumi reddened, and Oikawa held back an amused snort. With an ashamed noise, the man-that-used-to-be-his-cat stopped automatically reaching for more cat kibble to stuff in his mouth.

"When I woke up as a human again I sort of," Iwaizumi trailed off, shrugging", I didn't know what to do, but then I started wondering if cat food would still taste good to me and it seemed like as good a thing to do as any, it's not like you'd be feeding it to anyone and well, I hadn't had breakfast yet, so I uhm. It tastes good."

Oikawa stared, wide-eyed. Then he really did snort, and then he was laughing, and after frowning at him (in vain) for a little bit Iwaizumi couldn't help laughing as well. It was like an annoying knot finally being smoothened out between them, and the awkwardness finally left. For now.

***

After some time, Iwaizumi and Oikawa had come to an agreement. 

They won't talk about  _ it, _ and Iwaizumi could stay in the guest room until he could sort himself out. Daichi had called later that day to inform them that yes, the I.W.H.A. had an idea as to what happened to Iwaizumi, and they're sending a hunter and his partner to help him out in several days. Which left Iwaizumi and Oikawa several days to sort themselves out.

Surprisingly, they came to an agreement with that pretty fast, too.

_ They won't talk about it. _

They won't say how they spent the first night sort of getting drunk on wine, since Oikawa was out of anything else and Iwaizumi needed it. They won't talk about how it was strangely not-as-creepy-as-they-thought-it-would-be for Oikawa to still call Iwaizumi 'Iwa-chan' (though he can protest now) and for Oikawa to still say 'Bye, bye Iwa-chan!' in the morning and 'I'm home, Iwa-chan!' in the afternoons. (While Oikawa was at work, Iwaizumi tried to piece his life back together one phone call at a time. It wasn't going as well as he'd hoped)

They won't mention how it was more comforting and enjoyable to have Iwaizumi actually talk back when Oikawa attempts conversation, and they find out other things about each other, mostly what annoys the other the most, and who wins in arm wrestling, and who loses in Mario Kart. Nobody's allowed to point out how Oikawa still buys cat food and Iwaizumi still absentmindedly had them for breakfast or snacks sometimes, or how on really quiet nights, Iwaizumi would lean against Oikawa and let him run his hand through his spiky hair until they both fell asleep on the couch.

And then several days ended and a pair of men in the well-known I.W.H.A. field gear knocked on Oikawa's door. It just so happened that Oikawa had been vacuuming, and Iwaizumi refused to get out of the guest room (now technically his room) until he was sure it had been put away. So Oikawa was the one to answer the door.

"Is this the residence of Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime?" the shorter one, with black hair and a no-nonsense but attractive face, asked, flashing his I.W.H.A. badge like the way FBI agents always did in movies.

"Ah. uhm. Yeah," Oikawa wasn't sure how to answer  _ that _ at first, but mentally shrugged", I'm Oikawa Tooru. You must be the guys Sawamura told me about?"

"Yes," the shorter one answered with a polite nod", I am Akaashi Keiji, Witch Hunter Class S. This is my associate-"

"Akaashi," the taller man, who sported spiked up, black and white hair, was not quite whining, jumping a little in place", you promised!"

Akaashi sighed, and amended", my partner, Bokuto Kotarou, a Witching Law Expert with a Witch Hunter Class S license."

"Of course, right," Oikawa nodded, as if he understood half of that, and stepped aside", we're glad you came to help. I'll go get Iwa-chan. Please make yourselves comfortable."

That's exactly what Bokuto did, sitting comfortably in an armchair and inviting Akaashi to join him. Though there was enough space for both of them, Akaashi chose to remain professional and sat on the other armchair opposite Bokuto. Oikawa didn't see much after that, for he had already went to fetch Iwaizumi.

"The witch hunters are here," Oikawa called, then added as an afterthought", and I put away the vacuum."

A moment later, Iwaizumi (still in borrowed clothing) opened the guestroom door, very obviously nervous. Of what, Oikawa wasn't sure, but he felt he should probably be nervous too. The witch hunters were there to help, right?

...right?

"My team was the one who apprehended the witch responsible for cursing you," Akaashi began after re-introductions, sipping a cup of tea OIkawa had laid out", once we had defeated her, all curses and spells directly caused by the witch automatically deactivated and lost power. That is why you and your friends are back to being human. My partner Bokuto-san will explain."

"Yeah!" Bokuto sat up, giving Iwaizumi a reassuring grin", that's me! Now, according to the Witching Law, section Curses, sub-section 'Transfiguration Curse', item 7, the entire time spent under the witch's curse will not be held against the cursed individual, and any damage to said cursed's property, title, etc will be fixed to the best of the Witch Hunters Association and other included parties' abilities. Included parties are as follows: Any person, organization or government involved in the damage of said cursed's property, title, bla bla- the point is, you basically get your old life back, as intact as we can make it. Your job, your apartment, your bank account, everything will be given back to you."

"But," Akaashi cut in, somewhat still sounding polite", we can only account for material things; your job, your apartment, your car if you have one. The months that you've been away will be counted as a paid vacation, and what we can't get back in your belongings we'll pay you back."

"So really, you don't have to worry about most things," Bokuto continued, apparently used to his partner's cutting in", we'll even pay for counselling, if you want. Being cursed by a witch and stuck in a different form may be a traumatic experience."

"I wouldn't say traumatic," Iwaizumi laughed awkwardly, the first words out of him since the witch hunters arrived.

"We understand you had been turned to a cat?" Akaashi didn't wait for any answer", you may be experiencing side effects of the curse, such as retaining feline behaviour. If you don't want counselling, we'd at least like to advise you to get rid of these behaviours as soon and as much as you can. Letting them last may cause a relapse, and this time the curse would not be so easily remedied."

Iwaizumi and Oikawa exchanged worried looks. (Iwaizumi's appeared slightly sick.)

"Anyway, I'm sure that won't be a problem," Bokuto waved their worries aside ",Iwaizumi-san, you can get your old life back, more or less. The question is, do you want to?"

"Do I want to get my old life back?" Iwaizumi frowned.

"Many people that had been in your shoes often chose to live their life pretending they had never been cursed," Akaashi explained", while there are others who had gone through experiences that convinced them to change their lives. Whichever you choose, please know that you have our assistance."

Iwaizumi appeared to be deep in thought, and if Akaashi and Bokuto's patient expressions were anything to go by, Oikawa guessed they had gone through the same process with tons of other cursed people before. Oikawa took the moment of silence to refill their drinks, and to muse over his own worries.

It wasn't like he had  _ anything _ to worry about. Iwaizumi could get his old life back, that's what they said. And why wouldn't Iwaizumi want his old life back? Surely it was better than living in ill-fitting clothes and bumming around Oikawa's apartment, as if he was still stuck as a cat. In fact, acting like he was still a cat was  _ not _ what they wanted to happen, apparently. But, Oikawa wasn't in his old life, now was he?

"I don't really want my old life back," Iwaizumi said slowly, smiling a little sadly", now that I think about it, my old life was really boring. I think I'd just want my money and stuff back."

"Does this mean you'll be staying with Oikawa-san?" Akaashi asked, something like relief in his features. Oikawa wondered why that was so.

"M- maybe," Iwaizumi glanced at Oikawa", I don't want to impose or anything. I'll find my own place as soon as I can."

"Nonsense," Oikawa shook his head, giving what he thought to be a reassuring smile", you can stay here as long as you want! I'll help you in any way I can."

"Daichi was wrong, you're real nice!" Bokuto beamed, and Oikawa raised a brow at the same time that Akaashi sighed", I'm glad you'll be there for Iwaizumi-san. In my experience, a change is always better when it comes to these things!"

"We're wishing the both of you the best," Akaashi intervened before Bokuto's steadily rising voice got too loud", the money you need to replace the things your landlord, unfortunately, sold or threw away will be put in your bank account, along with the pay from your job the last six months, including your last pay for your apparent resignation. In the meantime, Bokuto-san?"

"Here!" Bokuto produced several cards from his pocket, handing it to Iwaizumi proudly", for your bank account! You have the same pin number as before, since there's no reason to change it. Unless you want to, or something. And that's my and Akaashi's cards! Call us if you need anything, alright? Oh, and someone will be checking up on you in a couple of weeks, just to make sure everything's okay!"

Iwaizumi nodded, accepting the cards with a strange expression.

"If you have no further questions," Akaashi gave a slight nod, moving to stand", we shall be going." Bokuto didn't stand so much as bounced to his feet.

"Thank you again for your help," Oikawa stood with them, letting Iwaizumi arrange his thoughts for a bit", we really appreciate it."

Akaashi merely nodded, and Bokuto gave him a thumbs up.

"One last advice," Bokuto paused at the doorway, tone thoughtful", it really helps if you get past the experience with some friends and family. Don't try to bury it, just get past it."

Nobody said anything else, and Oikawa waited by the door until he was sure the pair had driven off before closing it. He turned back around and faced Iwaizumi, who was still staring at the cards in his hands with a deep, thoughtful frown.

"Iwa-chan!" Oikawa's forceful cheeriness broke the silence", it looks like we're getting you a brand new life! Be thankful that the great Oikawa-san's going to be helping you!"

Iwaizumi blinked up at him, for a moment looking disturbingly lost. And then a scoff forced its way out of him, and he was back to the normal Iwa-chan that Oikawa knew.


	8. Let's Get Things Straight (Or Not *Wink Wink*)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And if they agreed to have dinner out after, well, it was nobody's business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little less busy and have started answering comments :DD though idk the protocol for these things because I'm an old man stuck in a teenaged girl's body T^T (damn I sound like a disgusting pervert)(that's not wrong-)

After the witch hunters' visit, Oikawa and Iwaizumi decided to have a more detailed talk of what they were going to do next.

First of all, Iwaizumi was going to stay with Oikawa at least until he got a steady job again. Oikawa may or may not have hoped that Iwaizumi would stay even after he did.

Second, Iwaizumi needed to get a steady job. They both agreed that lazing around Oikawa's house wasn't going to do anyone any good. Oikawa promised to help him with job interviews. Iwaizumi expressed doubt in needing it.

Third, Iwaizumi now had his money again, and he needed to stop borrowing Oikawa's clothes. They decided that some shopping was in order. And if they agreed to have dinner out after, well, it was nobody's business.

"Obviously you need a phone, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa argued, peering over the display cases", how else am I supposed to contact you?"

"I didn't say I didn't need a phone," Iwaizumi sighed, standing a little behind Oikawa, wondering if he had already lost the argument the moment they stepped inside the store", I said we don't need to buy an expensive one."

"If you buy one of those old man phones my emoji won't come out right when I text you," Oikawa reasoned, as if that was anything close to reasonable", now pick a color. Blue, gold, black or white?"

Realizing that yes, he _had_ lost the argument, Iwaizumi glanced at the display Oikawa was pointing at and decided", black."

"Very fitting," Oikawa approved with a smug smile, turning to the employee hovering expectantly nearby ",excuse me, yes, we're buying this one?"

While Oikawa conversed with the employee (a friendly guy who seemed a little dead tired in the eyes) Iwaizumi inspected what they already bought, crossing things off a mental checklist.

A wallet that was unnecessarily expensive? Check.

Casual shirts he thought looked _just fine_? Check.

Not so casual shirts Oikawa insisted was _just fine_? Check.

Pants for every occasion imaginable? Check.

So many pairs of shoes that they had to load them in the car first before continuing? Check.

(Okay the shoes thing might have been a bit of an exaggeration. There were only about 20 something pairs. Someone might have gotten carried away.)

After the cell phone thing, they were planning on taking a little break before buying the other necessities, like toothbrush, underwear, etcetera. They also had to drop off 'Iwa-chan's cat things' at the nearest animal shelter as per Akaashi's advice. Iwaizumi wondered if they'd actually be able to do all that in one day like Oikawa planned.

"Iwa-chan, here's your new phone," Oikawa singsonged, holding up the little shopping bag a bit too close to Iwaizumi's face. He very nearly swatted it away before remembering how much they just paid for it. How much _Oikawa_ just paid for.

"Hey, you're not paying for my phone," Iwaizumi frowned, taking the bag gently so he wouldn't want to chuck it at Oikawa's face.

"Too bad, I already did," Oikawa stuck his tongue out at him like the child that he was and began pulling Iwaizumi out of the store before the man could utter his protests", now let's take that break. I'm starving! What do you want?"

"I'm thinking some agedashi tofu," Iwaizumi answered thoughtfully, after a moment of giving up on protesting", I want to know if it still tastes good to me."

"Your tastes are so confusing," Oikawa said teasingly, but obligingly changed direction", I know this nice hole-in-the-wall that I think serves that stuff. They have good tea, too."

"Is that- Hey! You! Iwaizumi Hajime what the fuck!"

"Holy shit Iwaizumi Hajime is that you? You huge dipshit!"

The pair stopped in their tracks and turned around, very confused as to why two men (one with dark, curly hair and the other with short pink hair) were running at them and shouting Iwaizumi's name coupled with several choice profanities. But they were grinning and waving like old friends, and as they neared, Iwaizumi realized that they _were_ old friends.

"Hanamaki! Matsukawa!" He shoved the shopping bags in his hands at a very affronted Oikawa and stepped forward to greet them, a grin appearing on his face as well. He nearly fell over when the two collided with him with enough force to make Oikawa (now as clueless as the next passerby) squawk in alarm.

"You little shit!" one of them said, grabbing Iwaizumi in a chokehold and giving him a noogie", you disappear for six months without even a text!"

"We were so worried, kid!" the other added, ruffling Iwaizumi's hair a little too roughly", we thought- we thought you were dead."

Iwaizumi wriggled out of their hold and hugged them instead, and the two didn't hesitate to hug back.

"I'm sorry, I should've at least called as soon as I turned back," Iwaizumi apologized, and for a moment it seemed like all three were about to start shedding tears. But then they were laughing again, and Oikawa decided to intervene before he was abandoned altogether.

"Iwa-chan, want to introduce me?" he asked, and all three turned to face him.

"Ah, right," Iwaizumi said, as if regretting it", Matsukawa, Hanamaki, meet 'the great' Oikawa Tooru. I kind of owe him."

"And here I thought you snagged yourself a sugar daddy," the one who pointed himself out as Matsukawa (dark, curly hair) shook his head in disappointment", it looks like you didn't change, 'Iwa-chan'."

"Don't call me that," Iwaizumi immediately retorted", and you have _no idea_ how much I changed."

"Uhm, yeah we do," the one that must be Hanamaki (short, pink hair) gave a shit-eating grin", it's all over the office. You got yourself cursed, then you quit your job. Nobody knows why, but now _we_ do. Its cause you got yourself a sugar daddy! Congrats, Issei, you owe me twenty."

"You guys bet on whether I'd get a sugar daddy or not?" Iwaizumi somehow wasn't that surprised", and he's _not_ my sugar daddy!"

"I am so lost right now," Oikawa admitted, looking very offended as he did so.

"We used to work with your Iwa-chan," Hanamaki explained, wrapping a friendly arm over Oikawa's shoulders", he was a _real_ stud, you know. Everyone in the office had a crush on him! You wouldn't _believe_ the number of interns we got when we used this man's dazzling smile as the cover of our company in job fairs. In fact there was a summer beach retreat-"

"Alright, story time's over," Iwaizumi forcefully separated the still grinning Hanamaki from the very curious Oikawa", we were going to go get lunch. Are you two going to stick around?"

"You can't get rid of us that easily," it was Matsukawa's turn to sling an arm over Iwaizumi", we'll be with you the rest of the day, since you have to make up for six months’ worth of hanging out."

"I just know I'm going to regret this," Iwaizumi sighed.

"Whatever could you mean?" Matsukawa and Hanamaki said in unison, snickering and grabbing some of the shopping bags from Oikawa (Iwaizumi assumed the poor bags were being taken hostage so that he and Oikawa would cooperate).

***

"And to this day, everyone thinks it's a kid's ghost that made all the candy and toilet paper disappear," Hanamaki finished, dissolving into noisy chortles. Oikawa shook with laughter, eyes crinkling in a way that told Iwaizumi he was really enjoying this.

"I thought you said your old life was boring?" Oikawa demanded, nudging Iwaizumi lightly", it couldn't have been with these guys there!"

"Thanks, honey," Matsukawa said sweetly, seeming very pleased with himself.

"No problem, darling," Oikawa answered airily.

"Baby, don't forget I'm here," Hanamaki warned with a very suggestive grin", I haven't agreed to this three-way just yet."

"You guys deserve each other," Iwaizumi said in disgust, and his wonderful friends merely laughed at him.

"Well, I wouldn't blame Iwaizumi for calling his job boring," Matsukawa said after he'd calmed down somewhat", he got transferred about four years ago, and we only saw him occasionally after."

"Which means you have, in fact, _more_ than six months to make up for," Hanamaki piped up", and we demand to have a little more of your time, mean little Iwa-chan."

"Please drop it," Iwaizumi sighed tiredly. He had only meant the nickname, but the three men at the table with him clammed up immediately. The atmosphere was suddenly a lot more subdued.

"How are you doing, really?" Hanamaki asked, voice a lot gentler.

Iwaizumi thought of denying or something, but he found himself shrugging dejectedly.

"I dunno, just feeling a little lost maybe?" he sighed again", I know I don't want to go back to before, but I don't know _where_ I wanna go next."

"Aw, man, you'll figure it out," Matsukawa gave him a pat on the shoulder", we'll help you! Who knows, you might turn out to be a very talented stripper!"

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes at him and gave a sarcastic remark, and once again the atmosphere lightened, and it stayed that way for the rest of the day.

***

It was more than a week later.

Despite Matsukawa and Hanamaki's insistence that they hung out more, they understood that Iwaizumi needed time to himself for a bit, and settled with texting him every now and then. Iwaizumi appreciated it, as it gave him more time to apply for job interviews, looking for something that might strike his interest. He figured he had a chance to find something that won't bore him to getting cursed again, at least. But it wasn't going as well as he'd hoped (nothing usually did).

"I'm home!" Iwaizumi called, shedding his suit jacket as soon as he could. How had he not noticed how stuffy those things were before?

"Welcome home, Iwa-chan," Oikawa greeted, peering out of the kitchen", I was just about to finish cooking dinner! How was the job interview?"

"I don't think the guy liked me," Iwaizumi admitted. He crossed the living room towards the guest room- _his_ room, for now- and slowly undressed along the way.

"Aw, why not? You have such a charming personality!" Oikawa called sarcastically as he darted back into the kitchen.

"Trust me, this guy's personality is much more 'charming' than mine," Iwaizumi retorted, taking his time before coming back into the living room in more comfortable clothing", d'you need any help there?"

"Nah, but you can pick the movie for tonight," Oikawa seemed to hesitate coming out of the kitchen, peeking out first. But upon seeing Iwaizumi already by the television set he emerged with plates of food in his hands.

"Please tell me you didn't try to cook again," Iwaizumi looked up, watching Oikawa place the food on the coffee table.

"You have so little faith in me, Iwa-chan," Oikawa sighed loudly, draping himself over the sofa dramatically", I ordered take out and reheated it."

"Good," Iwaizumi grunted, shoving Oikawa halfway off the couch to give himself room", we're watching 'The Lego Movie' tonight."

"Oh yippee," Oikawa said dryly, repositioning himself on the couch and reaching for his food", so, why do you think the guy didn't like you?"

"He said he didn't like the idea of someone cursed working in his company," Iwaizumi answered with a sigh, trying to seem too busy eating so that Oikawa would stop asking questions. Unfortunately it didn't work.

"And what did you say to that?" Oikawa asked, raising a brow at Iwaizumi.

"Oh, you know," Iwaizumi shrugged as if it was no big deal", that he's a big wuss and probably some type of racist."

"Hm, their building was ugly anyway," Oikawa said supportively, then added", though it would've been a perfect fit for your ugly face."

"My fist would be a perfect fit for _your_ ugly face," Iwaizumi answered in a warning tone.

"Iwa-chan!" Oikawa complained, trying to cover his face with his meal still in hand", you can be cruel to me all you want but surely you can't be that mean to all my adoring fans!"

"As if you have any," Iwaizumi scoffed, a smile playing on his lips anyway.

They fell silent again as the movie played, the Master Builders being chased by Bad Cop and his men. Eventually Oikawa tried to start another conversation.

"Mattsun and I had been talking," Oikawa began nonchalantly, glancing sideways at Iwaizumi to gauge his reaction.

"I can't believe you gave them nicknames," was what Iwaizumi supplied.

"I give all my friends nicknames," Oikawa simply said, then spoke in another 'trying for normalcy and failing' tone", but anyway, we were talking, and we decided something."

"And what's that?" the words were barely out of his mouth before Iwaizumi realized his mistake. Knowing Matsukawa (now 'Mattsun' apparently) and knowing Oikawa, he's probably not going to like whatever they had decided.

"We think you need to get a life," Oikawa said this in an all too cheerful tone", you know, get out there and live a little? They told me we missed your birthday by a couple of months but I think it's a perfectly good thing to celebrate, even if late. We can go out and go party!"

Iwaizumi frowned as he spoke, but upon hearing the words 'celebrate' and 'party' his frown turned into a grin.

"Not going to throw one of your own?" Iwaizumi teased, remembering that nice 'pet party' Oikawa had thrown just over a month ago. His grin grew wider when Oikawa began hitting him with one of the couch cushions, pouting sourly.

"Iwa-chan," the grown man whined, looking very pink around the cheeks", I threw that party for _you_! Besides, half the animals there turned out to be humans too. We agreed never to talk about that again!"

"You never really specified what we can't talk about," Iwaizumi reasoned, grabbing a cushion and smothering Oikawa with it playfully until the other had backed off, letting him continue eating in peace.

"Not the point!" Oikawa declared, shoving the cushions off himself and to the floor", we're going out this Saturday. You, me, Mattsun and Makki. It'll be fun, plus you need a break from all those stupid job interviews."

"It's only been a week, you know," Iwaizumi told him, frowning", and I _have_ a job interview this Saturday."

"Then cancel it," Oikawa said a little too easily", I mean, do you _really_ want to work in an amusement park? Huh, Iwa-chan?"

"I might," Iwaizumi frowned deeper, feeling strangely defensive", why wouldn't I?"

"You don't like smiling, even though you're seemingly polite," Oikawa pointed out, grinning.

"What does that even mean?" Iwaizumi gaped in confusion.

"It means what it means, Iwa-chan," Oikawa singsonged, already feeling triumphant", and it means you don't want to work at an amusement park. Admit it. Come on, you know you want to."

Iwaizumi sighed at the insufferableness that was Oikawa and conceded", okay I don't really want to work at an amusement park. So what? I can't just live off my savings forever."

"It's only been a week, you know," Oikawa shot his words back at him, grinning smugly", your savings can handle a Saturday off. Besides, what's the point of getting a new life if you're just going to go back to working all the time?"

Well, he got him there. He really did. Iwaizumi could only groan out in defeat.

"Fine, we'll go out Saturday," he gestured to the television", now shut up and watch the damn movie."

***

Oikawa had always prided himself in making good decisions. Taking a physics major in college? A good decision. Deciding to become a somewhat amazing professor? A good decision. Befriending Daichi? A good enough decision. Befriending Kuroo? A not that bad decision. Okay maybe he should stop listing his decisions before he embarrassed himself.

The point was, he was supposed to make somewhat good decisions, but ever since he'd gone in that damn shop and bought the cat that was now his roommate his decision making skills had gone straight down, narrowly missing the gutter.

He wasn't even sure what started it all. Maybe it was that first time he saw him, like _really_ saw him, when Iwaizumi was buck naked and all too comfortable in his own skin and nothing else. Maybe it was when they found that grey area where Oikawa could pretend he never had a cat and he'd had a smaller, quieter version of his current Iwa-chan from the start. Maybe it was when he first caught himself thinking ' _my_ Iwa-chan' even though he clearly saw (and thought and felt and knew) Iwaizumi as a person and not his cat. Maybe it was because even though they found a way around nearly all of Iwaizumi's cat habits Oikawa still found him unbearably adorable too many times.

Whatever it was, it brought him here, in this awkward situation of flushing whenever Iwaizumi so much as took his shirt off in his presence. Here, where he very nearly suffocates every time Iwaizumi would smile, like a genuine grin he's not even trying to hold back. Here, where Oikawa wants to just melt into Iwaizumi's deep, warm chuckles and soft, rumbling laughter. Right here, in that state Oikawa did not want to name because if he did he'd do something even more stupid than fall for Iwaizumi Hajime. (Whoops, there it is, the state has been named).

Now what's more stupid than falling for Iwaizumi Hajime? Why, bringing him to a gay club, of course.

To be fair, it wasn't Oikawa's idea, technically. It was Hanamaki and Mastukawa's. Oikawa just sort of very strongly agreed. He got hints that Iwaizumi wasn't exactly straight, but he thought maybe he could confirm it once and for all. Obviously he had a hundred different ways to find that out, but he also had several important reasons to go with the gay club way. Butts and dancing and alcohol were some of these reasons.

As they piled into Matsukawa's car, Oikawa realized that yes, his decision making skills _had_ reached the gutter. And boy was it _dirty_. 'Iwaizumi wearing nothing and covered only in melted chocolate' sort of dirty.

Oikawa was also starting to suspect that Matsukawa and Hanamaki knew very well about his decisions and reasons. Why else would Hanamaki scream shotgun and all but shove Iwaizumi in the backseat with Oikawa? Why else would they not-so-subtly smirk everytime they made eye contact with each other and then not-so-subtly glance at Oikawa? Why else would they barrage them with dirty jokes on the way to said gay club? (Okay, that last one was more or less normal behaviour for the two, as Oikawa quickly found out upon befriending them)

When they got there, the parking lot was very close to crowded (but it was small) and Oikawa had discovered Matsukawa's love for very tight manoeuvres while trying to 'find just the right parking spot'. Only his pride saved him from doubling over and puking so early in the night after they managed to escape the car and Matsukawa's parking skills. How they're going to get out of that particular spot later, Oikawa can only hope won't end in death.

"Now children," Matsukawa raised his voice as they neared the very loud club", nobody go home with strangers, okay? That means you, Hiro."

"Baby, you know I won't leave you for some random butt," Hanamaki assured him", but we can bring a random butt home together, right?"

"Ugh, fine," Matsukawa groaned out, but his expression bordered on a delighted grin.

"How are the two of you so perfect for each other?" Iwaizumi asked wonderingly, and Oikawa nodded in agreement. He couldn't trust himself to speak, not with the tight pants and tight shirt Iwaizumi had deemed appropriate to wear. Did the man ever think of wearing a jacket? The only thing preventing Oikawa from freezing up is the very uncomfortable yet very nice heat he got from walking so close to the guy.

"Don't be so jealous of our love, Iwaizumi," Hanamaki shoved him lightly, causing Iwaizumi to brush shoulders with Oikawa, and it sent delicious but maddening little tingles all over the latter.

It seemed forever before they entered the club, and inside they were swallowed by loud, thumping music and people generally trying to have a good time. Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes at the suspicious lack of the opposite sex, and sent Oikawa a questioning look. The brunette shrugged weakly, but before he could make some sort of excuse Matsukawa and Hanamaki dragged them over to a booth and sat them down.

"I know the owner, so I'll get us some drinks," Matsukawa patted Iwaizumi on the shoulder", you just relax, cause technically this is your belated birthday party."

He left without even asking anyone's preferred drink, and Hanamaki readily scanned the crowds with something like a predatory grin plastered on his face.

"You don't think they'd really try for a threesome, do you?" Oikawa asked, trying to whisper and shout at the same time.

"I think they've done worse, actually," was Iwaizumi's answer, said so close to Oikawa's ear he thought he could feel a certain someone's lips brush a certain someone else's suddenly very sensitive earlobe.

Thankfully, Matsukawa didn't take too long with the drinks, and though they were technically assorted Oikawa had a feeling all of them were a little too strong. He chose a tall glass with something light pink in it, and it went down his throat smoothly, pleasant even with the sudden, burning aftertaste. Matsukawa also brought a small cake with him, the kind that surely had some sort of alcohol in it. Upon finding out he only brought two spoons, Oikawa and Iwaizumi were quick to claim them, but only managed to take a few bites each before it was totally ruined by Hanamaki using his fingers to wipe some of the cake all over Matsukawa's face. And then licking it off.

It was a while still before Oikawa deemed himself tipsy enough to attempt doing something as disgustingly stupid.

"Iwa-chan, we have to dance," Oikawa decided, slipping out of the booth and pulling Iwaizumi along with a hand on his wrist. His other hand was busy helping him finish off his drink (it wasn't his first, probably not his third either). He could vaguely hear Matsukawa whispering something to Hanamaki, and the two little shits proceeded to snicker and waved the two along. Deciding they didn't matter, Oikawa ignored them and pulled Iwaizumi towards the general area that served as a dance floor, and some tipsy swinging and swaying began.

Oikawa was pretty sure he's supposed to be embarrassed by something, but it felt good dancing, drowning in the music and Iwaizumi's amused chuckle, and he vaguely registered Iwaizumi dancing with him so it's all okay. He could feel the space between them becoming smaller and smaller until they're a breath apart, and then Iwaizumi was moving against him, hips brushing hips and then grinding and Oikawa thought he'd lost his balance so he held onto Iwaizumi's waist. Suddenly Iwaizumi's hands were on his and they were moving ever closer, and through his alcoholic haze Oikawa met Iwaizumi's half lidded eyes with his own. He smirked coyly, making Oikawa shiver with _something_ , maybe surprise and delight at finding out Iwaizumi was even capable of such an expression.

The spell broke suddenly when Iwaizumi pulled away. The two of them stood inches apart before Iwaizumi mumbled an excuse and ran off. Oikawa was left standing there dumbly, mind clearing only to be filled with utter confusion.

_What just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I just literally just now noticed that 'International Witch Hunter Association' is IWHA and if that's not an Iwa-chan obsession I don't know what is


	9. So Anyway...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But now, with their lives somewhat more stable, the stupid feelings were making their huge comeback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's hoping I continue not to disappoint, if I haven't already

The aftermath of that particular endeavor was the following:

Matsukawa and Hanamaki had indeed found someone to go home with. Iwaizumi hoped they had fun with the little redhead they managed to snag, especially since they left him and Oikawa at the club with only a drunken text.

'We scorred!!! u guys cn take a cab srry nd thnks ;))))'

Iwaizumi wasn't sure if he wanted to wish the assholes a safe trip or not.

The cab ride home was spent in awkward silence, Oikawa pretending to be drowsy and tipsy enough that they didn't have to attempt any conversation. When they got home they didn't even speak, just made sure the door was locked before trudging off to their respective rooms.

The next day, Iwaizumi woke up to insistent knocking and the doorbell ringing. He sat up, and the pounding got worse, telling him that that was probably his head experiencing a hangover and not the door. He painstakingly got out of bed, pulling off the shirt he was still wearing from the night before and was now a little disgusting. He stood in the middle of his room, debating whether to take off the rest of his dirty clothes or going for some aspirin first. Aspirin won, and he made his way to the bathroom, passing by Oikawa's room and deciding to check up on him, too. What little light that came from the hallway shone directly on the bed and at Oikawa's face.

He still looked a tad attractive even with that huge, tired scowl, Iwaizumi noted grudgingly.

"Whoever's at the door, I give you permission to murder him," Oikawa muttered, burrowing deeper under the covers and pulling the blanket over his head. And on anyone else, Iwaizumi would find that sort of act cute. On Oikawa, it was annoyingly endearing.

"Huh," Iwaizumi closed Oikawa's bedroom door, realizing that oh, there really was someone at the door. The entrance door. Frowning to himself, Iwaizumi went to get that aspirin and a glass of water, leaving whoever it was outside making a ruckus for a few moments longer.

When Iwaizumi opened the door, still in yesterday's jeans with no shirt on, he nearly spit the water he'd been drinking right at Kuroo's face, who smirked with curiosity, an eyebrow raised. Suddenly he wasn't so sleepy-hungover.

"Oho? You must be Iwaizumi-kun?" the taller man asked, tilting his head a bit", mind if I come in?"

Iwaizumi stepped aside silently, downing the rest of his water so he wouldn't have to look at Kuroo walking past, a little too obviously studying him.

"Kenma told me about you- well, human Kenma," Kuroo made himself comfortable on the couch, seemingly completely at ease in the awkward situation", I gotta say, I didn't expect that little grey furball to turn out to be so... well built."

Iwaizumi sputtered, deciding he should probably put the glass down before he dropped and broke it. Closing the door, he made his way to an armchair, placing the glass on the coffee table almost gingerly.

"I'm sorry about the... scratching," Iwaizumi couldn't look up from his lap, hand scratching the back of his head sheepishly. He could feel the other man staring, deciding how to answer  _ that. _

"I don't blame you, I guess," Kuroo shrugged, easing some of the tension off Iwaizumi's shoulders", sorry for dressing you up."

"Right," Iwaizumi tensed again, a small part of him wishing he could bolt and hide somewhere. Like under the fridge. But he couldn't do that, and even if he could he  _ shouldn't _ , so he looked up instead, meeting Kuroo's curious gaze with a tentative grin", I guess now you know why I scratched you up."

Kuroo balks in belated realization.

"You  _ actually _ did that on purpose?" and then he was laughing, shaking his head in disbelief", well that's- man, that's insane."

They lapsed into silence again, more comfortable but still with an air of 'what are we supposed to do in this situation' between them. Just as Iwaizumi was about to excuse himself to put on a shirt, Kuroo made an excited noise.

"Hey, while you were a cat," he sat up, and Iwaizumi wondered if he'd start bouncing", you could understand other cats, right? What did you and Kenma talk about? You know, the lady Kenma. Did she say anything about me?"

Iwaizumi couldn't help the somewhat pleasant smile as he remembered his interactions with the intelligent cat.

"It's nothing interesting, really," he answered with a shrug, very much enjoying the pained whine Kuroo let out", careful, you'll start sounding like Oikawa too much."

"Who sounds like who?" Oikawa's tired, sleepy, hungover voice came from his bedroom door. The two seated on the couch turned just in time to see him emerge fully from his bedroom, squint at the living room lights and shrink further into the thick blanket he'd wrapped around himself.

"Mornin' Sunshine!" Kuroo grinned and spoke extra loud, making Oikawa cringe and turn his squinty gaze on him.

"Iwa-chan, didn't I tell you to murder whoever's at the door?" Oikawa didn't turn to look at Iwaizumi, who had taken the chance to stand up and head for the kitchen.

"You can only pick one, Shittykawa," Iwaizumi passed by him and pulled the blanket over his face, much to his protests", coffee or murder?"

Slinking off to the armchair Iwaizumi had abandoned, Oikawa mumbled 'coffee' grudgingly and proceeded to glare at Kuroo, who merely smirked back.

Meanwhile, Iwaizumi started up the coffee machine, deciding he could grab a shirt for a moment while Kuroo and Oikawa entertained themselves by making faces at each other. He took a moment to wash his face, too, hoping the cool water would take away the soft blush still plastered across his face. But the rigorous rubbing he'd done (mostly by accident) only made his face seem redder. Iwaizumi sighed in defeat.

Oikawa had looked like shit, but not  _ bad _ shit more like- like some  _ damn good shit _ . And Iwaizumi was more than positive he wasn't wearing more than boxers under that blanket, too. Oikawa wasn't one to stay in icky, day old clothing if he could help it. And he liked baths too much. Which meant he was almost always clean and smelled ultimately pleasant, with his fancy soaps and shit. It was irritating.

And unfair. 

Ever since that one time when he'd been with Yaku, Suga and Lev and they had talked about- about _ feelings _ . He'd started to realize he sort of liked the annoying, shitty little nerd that was Oikawa Tooru. It was easy enough to ignore as a cat, and then very easy to hide under the awkwardness and confusion of turning back to a person, even as it grew from friendship to... more. But now, with their lives somewhat more stable, the stupid feelings were making their huge comeback. Especially with the stupid club incident, when it felt way too good pressed against Oikawa like that.

And Iwaizumi can't do a thing about them. He didn't  _ want _ to. He didn't want to get rid of them (even if he could) but he didn't want to do something stupid like  _ confess _ either. So he's stuck with these emotions, and on his way back to the living room with two mugs of steaming hot coffee he had grabbed some aspirin for Oikawa, too.

"Well, duh, it's not like I'm not trying," Oikawa was saying, sour look on his face disappearing when Iwaizumi appeared with his coffee", gimme!" he made grabby hands like a five year old, letting the blanket fall off his shoulders completely and confirming that yes, he was only wearing boxers underneath. (Not that Iwaizumi was staring. He's trying his damnest  _ not to stare _ .)

"I can see that," Kuroo replied with a snort, only smirking lazily when Iwaizumi sent him a questioning frown", but the real reason I went here's cause I wanted to confirm for myself that I was right, your cat wasn't a normal cat, and I was right."

"You said 'I was right' twice," Oikawa pointed out over his mug, cradling it in his slender, graceful hands that Iwaizumi suddenly can't stop thinking about. Dammit. That happened  _ too many times _ .

"Don't forget your medicine," Iwaizumi grumbled, tossing the aspirin at Oikawa's head before looking around for a seat of his own. It bounced off Oikawa's nose and landed in his lap, making Kuroo laugh loudly.

"Even when you care it hurts," Oikawa whined, rubbing his nose as if the little packaged pill had done  _ such _ damage.

Iwaizumi grunted in reply, sipping from his mug and settling in his chair.

"This is so funny," Kuroo smirked to himself, glancing between the two. Again Iwaizumi frowned at him, and again Kuroo just looked very smug. Oikawa was pouting sourly at them both, but mostly at Kuroo.

"If you're just here to gloat, you can get out," Oikawa demanded", it's too early for your shit, Kuroo."

"Dude, it's almost noon," Kuroo shook his head", plus I'm not  _ just _ going to gloat. I'm sending a message, too. Kenma wants to know if he can have Iwaizumi's number, because Yaku's been wanting to check up on you. I know I could've just sent a text but what's the fun in that?"

"Yaku? Lev's cat?" Oikawa asked, brows knitting", oh yeah, he was cursed too."

"Yeah," Kuroo nodded", it's weird how we all sorta know each other, as if the universe is trying to hint at past connections and also lessen the introduction time."

"I  _ should _ contact them," Iwaizumi muttered thoughtfully, completely ignoring what Kuroo had said", I've been so busy, and I figured they needed to get their own lives together, too."

"It's been long enough, I think," Kuroo's smile became somewhat friendly", you should give 'em a call at least."

Iwaizumi mumbled a reply, drinking his coffee absentmindedly. Oikawa sent Kuroo another glare, making shooing motions with his hand and trying to send some sort of message. Whatever it was, Kuroo seemed to get it and excused himself, leaving with a half sincere 'sorry to bother you so  _ early _ .' A few minutes were spent in comfortable, blessed silence.

"Want me to make breakfast?" Oikawa asked, and that seemed to snap Iwaizumi out of his thoughts.

"And be forced to eat burnt eggs? No thank you," he scoffed, standing up", I'll make breakfast. You go put on some decent clothes."

"Yes, mom," Oikawa gave a mock salute, shrieking when Iwaizumi threw a couch cushion at him. With a laugh, he ducked back into his bedroom before Iwaizumi could throw another cushion at him.

***

About a couple of days later, Suga suggested they go out for lunch, and Iwaizumi agreed. For some reason though, the news didn't sit well with Oikawa. He kept complaining and trying to get Iwaizumi to change his mind about going. It confused Iwaizumi to no end, but he didn't see any reason why he shouldn't meet up with his friend.

That's why, that Friday with Oikawa at work, Iwaizumi went to this cosy restaurant and met up with his friend.

"Suga?" Iwaizumi couldn't help the little smile on his face, recognizing the silver hair that reminded him of Suga's fox fur. He could be wrong, of course, and he had always half expected Suga to turn out to be a greying old man, but somehow he felt that that friendly looking young man with the silvery grey hair was definitely Suga.

The-man-that-was-Suga met his gaze and grinned back, waving at him.

"I knew Iwaizumi was a dashing young man," Suga said by way of greeting, standing up and pulling Iwaizumi into a friendly hug", I'm sure half my students would fall in love with you at first sight."

"Don't you teach elementary kids?" Iwaizumi answered with a laugh, returning the hug.

"Oh you wouldn't believe how many of them's discovered the concept of marriage already," Suga joked, as they both took a seat", How're you holding up?"

"Better than I thought I would," Iwaizumi shrugged", I still haven't found a job, but I feel more like a person than a cat nowadays. And you?"

"Well, as you know, I got my job back as a teacher," Suga began", the principal was reluctant at first, since I was cursed and all, but my co-workers stood up for me. It was really nice of them."

"So you mostly went back to your old life?" Iwaizumi couldn't help asking, thinking about his own decisions. They  _ were _ pretty different, after all.

"Just my job, really," Suga shrugged, seeming slightly flustered", I got cursed at my house, you see. And after some thought I figured it'd be for the best if I just stayed away from it, try not to trigger any memories. I've been staying at Daichi's, just like you're with Oikawa-san."

"Oh," Iwaizumi nodded, suddenly not quite sure how to voice his thoughts. But he was trying", speaking of- of Oikawa. Suga, remember that time we were talking with Yaku? About, uhm..."

"About your feelings for Oikawa?" Suga, apparently, didn't have the same problem", and mine for Daichi? I'm guessing they've grown since you've, well, turned back."

"Yeah," Iwaizumi could feel his face heating up already, and he can't help but find the table suddenly very interesting", I-... how do you deal with it?"

"I told him," Suga answered promptly, surprising Iwaizumi enough that he looked up to meet his gaze again. Suga was smiling, amused, but sort of sympathetic too.

"You mean- you just  _ told _ him?" Iwaizumi asked, not quite sure he believed it. It can't possibly be that easy. No way.

"Well- I didn't at first," Suga explained", I tried hinting at him, you know, let him figure it out for himself. But that wasn't getting us anywhere, so I decided to just tell him. He took it surprisingly well, saying he suspected as much anyway."

"But didn't he- did Daichi-san... reciprocate?" Iwaizumi felt oddly like an awkward teen, asking a parent or an older brother for advice.

"I mean, it  _ was _ pretty obvious from his side, too," Suga gave a soft laugh", why? Do you think Oikawa won't 'reciprocate'?"

"Maybe? I hope he would? I don't know," Iwaizumi shrugged helplessly", I shouldn't have asked- sorry. We should- we should probably order something."

Suga gave him a funny look but nodded, picking up one of the cardboard menus stacked in a thin, little pile on their table. They each ordered a meal and drinks, and Suga decided to change the subject.

"How's the job hunting going?" he asked", find something you'd like to do?"

"Not yet," Iwaizumi was visibly relieved that they'd changed topics", I hadn't realized I wasted most of my life not doing something I like, but I guess it just hadn't occurred to me I could try."

"At least you didn't get cursed for nothing," Suga said lightly", ever thought about going back to college, maybe find something there?"

"Yeah, actually," Iwaizumi admitted", I looked up courses online but I didn't find anything I liked. You don't think I'm being too picky? I mean, I don't have to automatically like whatever I chose, right?"

Suga hummed thoughtfully at that.

"I think you do," he decided", you're not being picky at all, just being careful. We both know you don't want to end up in another boring job, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," Iwaizumi said slowly, his friend's sort-of advice helping his thoughts become less tumultuous.

Their orders arrived, and they steered to other topics, enjoying a nice peaceful lunch like two friends were supposed to.

Daichi was pretty jealous of them, actually. He was stuck with paperwork that day, and he could only imagine what a pleasant time Suga was having, especially since he's sure Iwaizumi wasn't as nosy and whiny as Oikawa had been the past half hour.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" he asked for what felt like the thousandth time, still wondering why he didn't just hang up on his friend.

"I'm on break," Oikawa answered again, even though his break was turning out to be suspiciously long", and you didn't answer my question, Dai-chan! What's your current relationship with Suga-chan?"

"I did answer that, I said it was none of your business," Daichi grit his teeth, reading over the title of the document in his hand once again. But he just couldn't concentrate on whatever it was he was reading. Why was Oikawa interrogating him about Suga all of a sudden?

"It so is!" Oikawa insisted, and Daichi held the phone away from his ear with a wince", your foxy little Suga-chan is on a lunch date with my Iwa-chan! Who knows what'll happen? I have to protect Iwa-chan's innocence, you know. And-"

"Did you say 'my Iwa-chan'?" Daichi decided to interrupt the rant, unable to completely keep the grin from his face", I didn't know you were so possessive of your roommates, Oikawa."

"Whah!" Oikawa made a sound akin to the squeak of a mouse, and then demanded", you didn't hear that!"

"I definitely did," Daichi leaned back in his chair, finally getting something out of the damn conversation", and you better tell me what the hell you really mean, or I'm hanging up and calling 'your' Iwa-chan."

"Don't! I surrender!" Oikawa spoke frantically, and again Daichi had to separate his ear from the phone to keep from sustaining any damage to his hearing", I... uhm... wanted to make sure Suga-chan's not a terrorist?"

"Goodbye," Daichi snorted, and sure enough he could hear Oikawa spluttering and suffering at the other end of the line.

"I don't want Iwaizumi falling for Suga," Oikawa said in a rush, as if he was forcing the words out, and then he  _ couldn't _ stop talking", I  _ know _ it's dumb, because even as a fox Suga probably had googly eyes for you but Iwa-chan can definitely fall for his 'refreshing and friendly' thing and I can't handle that! I'd be so heartbroken, and I would have to hide it and I don't think I can do that, I'd die! And then nothing's gonna stop Iwa-chan from marrying Suga-chan and they'd make cute, grumpy, friendly babies and-"

"Oikawa. Oikawa, stop- shut up," Daichi had tried interrupting in the middle of the rant, but it took Oikawa a moment to truly quiet down, and Daichi heaved a sigh", Iwaizumi won't fall for Suga and they're not getting married."

There was silence along the line, and then Daichi heard a small, unsure voice.

"How would you know?" even subdued, Oikawa's voice sounded very petulant.

"Because if Suga's marrying anyone, it'd be me," Daichi said confidently, like he had days ago when picking up Suga at his elementary school and a kid had asked Daichi for permission to marry his 'super pretty sensei, who said he had to ask Mister Daichi first'. It seemed appropriate, since he felt like he was talking to a six year old all over again.

"What?" and suddenly Oikawa wasn't a six year old anymore", Oh my god, why didn't you tell me sooner? How long have you two been together? No wait- Sawamura did you fuck a fox?"

"What- no!" Daichi sat up, thankful he had remembered to close the blinds in his office and nobody could see his furiously red face", I did  _ not _ fuck a fox what the fuck."

"Ooh, Dai-chan said fuck. Twice," Oikawa giggled, urging Daichi to bang his head on something. He resisted, since he was pretty sure he'd get a headache anyway.

"How old are you?" Daichi groaned out", I thought we were talking about your huge crush on Iwaizumi-san?"

"True, but this is  _ so _ much more interesting," Oikawa said lightly", so does that mean you and Suga-chan are going out?"

"Yes? I thought it was obvious?" Daichi shrugged out of habit", Kuroo practically found out before  _ I  _ did, and I figured he would've mentioned it to you for sure."

"Kuroo knew and didn't tell me? What the hell?" Oikawa's indignant tone carried pretty well over the phone, Daichi thought idly. Or maybe he was too used to hearing it that his mind easily registered it.

"It doesn't matter, the point is that you shouldn't worry about Iwaizumi-san falling for Suga," Daichi tried to keep them on track", instead, you should worry about how you're going to get Iwaizumi-san to fall for you."

"Please, even _I_ would fall for me," even over the phone Daichi could see Oikawa rolling his eyes, tilting his head in a dramatic 'I'm so pretty' way.

"Sure," Daichi said dryly", but you're not Iwaizumi-san, now are you?"

"You are not helping, Sawamura," Oikawa complained, though something in his tone told Daichi he was a lot more worried about the situation than he's letting on.

"Okay but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be helping here," Daichi admitted", all you're doing is whining and denying."

"Help me out by calling Suga right now and making him go home," Oikawa declared", then I can get Iwa-chan all to myself."

"I am not doing that," Daichi said immediately", try again, Oikawa."

"Fine," Oikawa groaned out", how did you ask Suga out? How do I ask Iwa-chan out?"

"For one thing, stop being a dork," Daichi leaned back again, feeling slightly smug that Oikawa had come to him for advice", you should just tell him, see what he thinks. I'm pretty sure you haven't been subtle about anything, so if he hadn't brought it up yet, at least you know he's not completely against it. Maybe he even likes you back."

"You're shitting me, Sawamura," Oikawa scoffed in disbelief", it cannot possibly be that easy. You didn't just go up to Suga-chan one day and say 'hey, I like you a lot, as in I want to shove you on the couch and fuck you into tomorrow. But also I want to have cute bubble baths with you and cuddle.' You definitely did not do that."

"W- well, not like  _ that _ exactly," Daichi nearly choked on air, and before he could stop himself he was laughing. Oikawa squawked but it was drowned out by Daichi's mirth", but you can say that, too. Just make sure to record Iwaizumi-san's reaction."

"Daichi!" Oikawa whined, extending the last syllable until Daichi had to apologize.

"Look, you can always drop a bunch of huge hints and see how he reacts," Daichi tried, remembering all those times Suga had apparently dropped  _ him _ a bunch of huge hints that went right over his head", but make sure they're  _ really _ hard to miss."

"Would that really work?" Oikawa asked worriedly", seriously how did you two do it?"

"Like I said, none of your business," Daichi swung a little in his seat", now I really have to go back to work. You probably should, too. I'm not making excuses to Kuroo again if you're caught slacking off."

"But then what's our friendship for?" Oikawa said, as if a switch was flipped and he was back to his chirpy, flippant self", thank you, Dai-chan!"

"You're welcome," Daichi had barely let the words out before there was a click and the line went dead. With a huge, relieved sigh Daichi put down the phone, finally able to actually do some work. Or maybe he should take a break.

***

The phone was ringing.

Iwaizumi pulled a pillow over his head, but it wasn't enough to drown out the incessant phone ringing. Who even used home phones anymore anyway? What time was it?

Groping around for a bit, Iwaizumi fished his own cellphone from under the blankets and stared at the too bright screen. It was a Monday, and it was around nine in the morning. He'd wonder why Oikawa didn't wake him before he left, but ever since that meeting with Suga, things have been...  _ strange _ between them.

Oikawa would be sweet and doting one moment, and then he'd avoid Iwaizumi at all costs, and  _ then _ he'd do something really thoughtful, like helping Iwaizumi through job interviews or giving him really nice things (like that Godzilla plushie the size of a five year old, that was really something). It was confusing, and whenever Iwaizumi would try to ask him about it he just laughed it off and changed the subject. Iwaizumi had even gotten past irritation by then, and just hoped Oikawa would explain his behaviour eventually.

So Iwaizumi simply dragged himself out of bed and to the phone, answering with a tired 'Hello?' and a noisy yawn.

"I'm sorry if I woke you, Iwaizumi-san," came a startlingly familiar voice, and Iwaizumi realized it was Akaashi who was on the phone", I thought you would have been up by now."

"No, it's fine, I was getting up anyway," Iwaizumi said out of politeness, stretching a little to wake himself up a little more", what's up?"

"I called to inform you that a hunter will be visiting to check up on you and Oikawa-san," Akaashi said, cutting right to the chase", it's only a small check up, nothing to worry about. A mandatory visit to finalize your case. I hope it won't be an inconvenience?"

"No that's- that's okay," Iwaizumi bit back a sigh", but nothing's wrong, right?"

"None at all, Iwaizumi-san," Akaashi assured him", if it helps, the hunter assigned for your follow up is only a Class C, usually sent to follow up on already concluded cases. And I've been informed you might know him."

"Really?" Iwaizumi couldn't help raising a brow", who is he?"

"Witch Hunter Haiba Lev," Akaashi answered promptly", recently graduated his advanced classes and earned his Class C license."

"Huh, good for him," Iwaizumi said offhandedly", when will he be visiting?"

"In two days, unless you would like to arrange for a different date?" Akaashi asked, and Iwaizumi took a moment to remember his and Oikawa's schedule. It was one of Oikawa's sporadic days off, so they were both free then. He'd have to warn Oikawa not to suddenly disappear, at least.

"No need, Wednesday's good," Iwaizumi confirmed.

"Thank you," Akaashi quipped", would you happen to have any questions?"

"No, I'm good," Iwaizumi resisted the urge to ask Akaashi about his partner Bokuto, and if they were a thing, and how they became a thing, because he'd been obsessing too much about him and Oikawa  _ not _ being a thing.

"Then that would be all," Akaashi spoke over Iwaizumi's thoughts", have a nice day, Iwaizumi-san."

"You too," Iwaizumi hummed out, listening to the click of the line going dead before returning the phone to its place and proceeding to drag himself to the kitchen, for a bit of late breakfast. In case Oikawa dodged him more today and he forgot, Iwaizumi decided to leave a note stuck to the fridge using one of Oikawa's many sci-fi themed magnets.

***

"Good morning, Oikawa-san!" Lev greeted cheerfully, a short man with blond-almost-pink hair standing beside him. The gangly teen waved a badge in front of Oikawa excitedly", look, I'm a witch hunter now!"

"I can see that," Oikawa smiled weakly", it's nice to see you again, Lev. Who's this with you?"

"It's Yaku!" Lev beamed then, mercifully putting his badge away before it could hit Oikawa in the face", I'm surprised you didn't recognize him, he's just as cute and small as when he was a cat!"

"Stop saying that!" Yaku admonished, hitting Lev lightly on his side", it's rude."

"Sorry," Lev muttered, subdued. And then he was beaming at Oikawa again", may we come in?"

"Right, of course," Oikawa stepped aside, calling out", Iwa-chan! Lev and Yaku are here."

"Yo," Iwaizumi emerged from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn", we weren't sure what time you'd arrive. We were just about to watch Treasure Planet (again). You're welcome to join us."

"Oh! That'll be so cool!" Lev nodded vigorously, turning to Yaku", we can do that, right?"

"Idiot, we have to do the interview first," Yaku reminded him, frowning", who's the witch hunter here? Do your job properly."

"Right, right, sorry," Lev drooped slightly, but smiled valiantly", Iwaizumi-san, look! I'm a witch hunter! I came here on official witch hunter business, isn't that cool?"

"Very," Iwaizumi supplied, handing a pensive Oikawa the popcorn and pushing him in the direction of the living room couch", while I'm at it- tea or coffee?"

"Coffee, please," Yaku answered, with Lev nodding his agreement", it's nice to see you, Iwaizumi-san. I had imagined you to be slimmer, but oh well."

"Nice to see you, too," Iwaizumi grinned a little", I had imagined you to be more, uh, punk maybe? But, oh well." He darted back into the kitchen before Yaku could answer, leaving Lev to make some comment about how Yaku would look good in chunky punk boots, and it'd add to his height too. This earned him another jab to the side, and he complained all the way to the couch, where Yaku sat him down and told him to shut up.

Meanwhile, Oikawa sat on an armchair, still with a pensive look on his face. He was wondering if he should be wary of Yaku, too. But he and Lev were obviously so much closer, so after some deep contemplating Oikawa decided they were safe and gave his first friendly chirp since the pair had arrived.

"I've been hoping to meet Yaku-chan in person," he smiled", I hope I'm not imposing, but you and Iwa-chan seem to be good friends?"

"Yeah, I guess," Yaku answered, slightly suspicious frown settling on his features", being stuck as cats together does that to you."

"Ah, yes, I suppose so," Oikawa laughed a little", I'm sorry. But you were lucky, Lev here was a witch hunter. It was easier to deal with someone who understood your situation, right?"

"I wouldn't say it was easier, especially not with this guy," Yaku spoke carefully, not sure where Oikawa was getting at", but it eased some of the awkwardness."

"But Yaku, you said I was super helpful!" Lev 'corrected' him", you even said you were proud I got admitted to the Special Therapy Program."

"I also said you're not supposed to mention that," Yaku reminded him, sending him a warning glare.

"What's the Special Therapy Program?" Oikawa cut in, still with that friendly smile plastered on his face", it sounds very cool."

"It is! It's super cool!" Lev jumped in his seat in excitement, despite Yaku's protests", my C.O. found out about my helping Yaku and assigned me to help in Akaashi-san's case! And then Akaashi-san suggested I go into the S.T. Program, since I handled the cursed's so well."

"You didn't even explain what the program was," Yaku sighed, when he was finally able to cut Lev off. He turned to Oikawa, previous suspicion mostly gone", it's a program for witch hunters who could potentially be therapists for cursed people. They'd hire actual therapists, but apparently there's a unique way of handling the cursed that normal therapists can't do. It's sort of like those lawyers who specialize in the Witching Law, or those doctors who specialize in combating the witches' spells using science."

"Oikawa, we're the ones who's supposed to be interrogated here," Iwaizumi reminded essentially everyone as he emerged from the kitchen, mugs of coffee in his arms. Oikawa immediately stood up and helped him carry them, his fake friendly smile disappearing just as fast, replaced with a genuine happy one.

"I was just making conversation, since Iwa-chan's so slow," Oikawa teased, expertly dodging Iwaizumi's irritated swipe at his head.

"Oh, but Iwaizumi-san's right," Lev dug into his hoodie's large pocket and pulled out a notebook and pen. It was the same hoodie he'd ever really seen Lev wear, Iwaizumi noted curiously as he sat down on the other armchair.

Lev flipped to a specific page, and read for a moment before looking up", alright. Let's start with this. Iwaizumi-san, have you been having nightmares concerning your time as a cat?"

"Not recently," Iwaizumi answered, surprisingly feeling more at ease with Lev's questioning than when Akaashi and Bokuto had come to discuss his life with him. Maybe that whole thing about Lev being a therapist for the cursed wasn't such a bad idea. Or maybe he's just finally getting past the whole experience of being cursed. Maybe he needed this interview, as closure of some sort.

"But you did have them?" Lev asked, scribbling something carefully in his notebook. Yaku peeked at whatever he's writing, and (subconsciously or not) Lev leaned down closer so he could read properly.

"For a few weeks, yeah," Iwaizumi took a sip of his coffee before continuing", mostly just short stuff, like turning back to a cat, being in that creepy shop again, that sort of thing."

"That's normal, light even," Lev grinned, looking impressed", that's amazing, Iwaizumi-san! I read that in a lot of cases, curses tend to leave very vivid, scary memories and anxieties."

"Uh, thanks?" Iwaizumi said unsurely.

"No problem," Lev offered a little thumbs up, and Yaku scoffed softly, giving him a sidelong look that went ignored", okay, next. Do you still have any feline behaviors that you've kept until now?"

"Nope, none," Iwaizumi smiled a little, proud of the fact", it took us about two weeks to really get rid of them, but I don't have them anymore."

"And that's what's important," Lev nodded, scribbling in his notebook some more", Do you have a good relationship with Oikawa-san?"

The question caught Iwaizumi off guard, almost making him drop his mug. On the armchair opposite him, Oikawa spluttered and coughed, nearly choking on his coffee.

"He meant if you get along with the people you've associated with while you were cursed," Yaku explained, looking suspiciously smug", technically not just Oikawa, but since you were- are with him the most..." he shrugged, leaning back and smiling. Lev looked on worriedly, but a look from Yaku told him to stay quiet.

"Well, yeah," Iwaizumi answered, suddenly a little too fidgety in his seat", I wasn't really treated too badly, so I don't see any reason why I shouldn't get along with Oikawa still. And Daichi-san, Kuroo, even Kenma, too."

"That's good!" Lev was glad he was able to scribble on his notebook again, at least that meant they were still going on with the interview", it's always nice to get positive results out of negative situations. Just look at Yaku and me! We're so much closer no- OW!"

"That's a secret remember?" Yaku hissed, pinching Lev's arm and making the tall man whine childishly.

"I don't see why it has to be," Lev complained, but returned to his notebook", we only have two questions left. First, are you currently in a romantic relationship, Iwaizumi-san?"

"No," Iwaizumi managed to answer coherently, even though his expression resembled that of a strangled fish.

"Do you find yourself having any sexual fantasies that includes stuff from your time as a cat?" Lev peered at Iwaizumi, even leaning forward in his seat", you know, stuff like doing it with cat parts, or being treated as a pet while doing it, using cat accessories?"

Yaku outright laughed, while Oikawa grabbed several cushions, appearing to attempt suffocating himself in them. Iwaizumi was frozen stiff in his seat, ears and cheeks growing steadily redder by the second.

"N- no! Of course not!" Iwaizumi squeaked out, echoed by Oikawa's own pained noises.

"Wait was that too personal?" Lev blinked owlishly, earning more laughter from Yaku", I'm sorry! I had to ask, since it's common- even expected for cursed people to have them or act on them from time to time. It's safe though, as long as it doesn't lead to acquiring cat habits outside the bedroom. In fact, just last week, Yaku and I-"

"Wha- Lev, shut up!" Yaku had completely lost his mirth, glaring heatedly at Lev and attempting to suffocate him with one of Oikawa's many couch cushions.

Iwaizumi watched them for a while, at a loss as to what the hell to do next. Oikawa was still half buried in cushions, piled high enough to cover the whole upper half of his body. He looked like a bunch of cushions with a pair of legs.

"So- that concludes the interview," Lev escaped Yaku's murder attempt, putting away his pen and notebook before anyone got injured", can we watch Treasure Planet now?"

Iwaizumi started to speak, but Yaku shook his head, standing up and trying to pull Lev with him.

"We really shouldn't," he sent a quick apologetic smile to Iwaizumi", Lev, remember that we were going to get ice cream after the interview?"

"Oh yeah!" Lev stood up so fast Yaku nearly toppled over, saved only by the fact that he had an iron grip on Lev's arm", I still have to show Yaku this really cool flavor I found out about."

"Right," Iwaizumi stood up to show them out, thinking he should at least try to be a good host till the end", it was nice seeing you guys."

"You too," Yaku gave a small wave, pushing Lev out the door before he could change his mind.

Iwaizumi followed them out, leaving Oikawa alone in their apartment, still hiding in his cushion pile.

"Wait- uhm, Lev," Iwaizumi called out, and Lev and Yaku turned around, giving him questioning looks.

"Is there something wrong, Iwaizumi-san?" Lev asked.

"I just wanted to ask something," Iwaizumi shuffled his feet, feeling awkward and embarrassed", I noticed- uhm, I found out Suga and Daichi-san are going out, and you and Yaku are obviously something, and well... is it normal to fall for your previous owner like that?"

"Like what?" Lev frowned in slight confusion", if you mean forming special attachments to certain people you've encountered while cursed, I mean, that's normal. I think."

"You think?" Iwaizumi asked weakly. Was what he was feeling for Oikawa  _ normal _ ? Or did that mean it wasn't real? Was it some dumb side effect of turning to a cat and being cared for like that?

"It depends on the situation," Lev tried to explain", I've talked to Suga-san and Daichi-san, and it seemed they didn't really fall for each other until after Suga-san was human again. I knew Yaku was human from the start."

"...and me?" Iwaizumi had to ask, since Lev had gone strangely silent.

"I'm not sure, but I think you're different too, Iwaizumi-san," Lev concluded, grinning reassuringly", you said you didn't have any sexual fantasies that relate to cats, so based on that, the curse probably doesn't have anything to do with your feelings for Oikawa-san."

"Right... thanks," Iwaizumi sighed, not sure if he was relieved or crushed that he has no excuse for his feelings", and congratulations on getting your license, by the way."

"Thanks!" Lev seemed very pleased with that and Yaku tugged on him until he moved again, giving Iwaizumi a little wave. Yaku waved, too, though he had a more knowing expression.

When Iwaizumi went back inside, Oikawa had disappeared, though he could hear the shower running somewhere in the house. He decided to just sit and drink his coffee and wait for Oikawa to finish, maybe start the movie already if he took too long. But as Iwaizumi sat there, he couldn't help think about Lev's stupid questions and sexual fantasies and romantic relationships and bedrooms. In the end Iwaizumi had to take a shower, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left wtf??? BUT!!! I have a Special Announcement™ after that so pls don't hate me oTL


	10. Here We Are (On The Best Days Of Our Lives)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Not At All Epic Conclusion Because It's About Time This Fic Ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you end fics anyway I sure as hell wouldn't know. quq Enjoy this final bit of a piece of my soul-

Iwaizumi wasn't quite sure what happened.

It started a couple of days ago, when he received a text from Suga saying he had found Kyoutani and had wanted to meet up, if possible with Yaku, too. Thinking a reunion was probably overdue anyway, and he had to escape Hanamaki and Matsukawa's 'getting a life' ideas, Iwaizumi agreed.

They all arranged to meet up that Saturday, at a place called Shiny Things.

As it turned out, Shiny Things was a large but cosy place, half of it a cafe with patched up armchairs and assorted tables and the other half a thrift store with shelves upon shelves of old toys, books, appliances and little knick knacks. Surprisingly it was Kyoutani who had suggested it.

Iwaizumi was the third to arrive, and he found Suga and Kyoutani seated at a table tucked in what was supposed to be a corner between the cafe and the thrift store. They had already ordered drinks, apparently, and Iwaizumi headed to the counter to do the same. He didn't bother trying to make conversation with the guy at the counter, since he had a glare on his face and seemed to be really pissed at something.

When Iwaizumi joined Suga and Kyoutani, they slipped into 'hello, how are you?'s until Yaku arrived, apologizing for taking so long.

"Lev can be a handful- a mess- a handful mess," Yaku had supplied, and both Iwaizumi and Suga nodded in understanding. Kyoutani grunted in agreement.

They got around to chatting some more, really just catching up on what's been happening.

Yaku's thinking of joining Lev in the witch hunting thing, though he's stuck being an assistant until he passed some license tests and took lessons. For various reasons, he kept it a secret from Lev, most prominently him not wanting Lev to find some way to praise _and_ mock him about it.

Kyoutani had gone back to college, seeing no reason why he should stop since the I.W.H.A. helped him get his scholarship back. He was studying Criminology, and Suga offered to ask Daichi about possible internships and job openings at his department if Kyoutani ever needed it. The youngest of their group was reluctant to accept, but said he'd keep it in mind.

They also found out that Yahaba and Kyoutani didn't get along so well after the boy had turned back. They fought a lot, actually. Still did. But after a _long_ two weeks of figuring stuff out, they were starting to get along better.

"Nothing as close as Suga and Daichi or anything..." Kyoutani added gruffly, "we're just friends."

"Maybe as close as Iwaizumi and Oikawa-san, then," Suga said with a grin. Even though Iwaizumi nearly spit his coffee at him, Kyoutani seemed to have missed what Suga had been implying.

Somehow the conversation steered towards jobs again, until Iwaizumi found himself under his supposed friends' careful scrutiny. _This_ was why he wasn't quite sure what happened.

"A farmer," Suga suggested", he'd look good in overalls."

"It's not about his looks," Yaku shook his head", maybe a lumberjack. It'd put his muscles to good use."

"I still don't get why he's in such good shape," Kyoutani admitted", isn't he supposed to be an office worker before all this?"

"He exercised regularly. Still does, actually," Iwaizumi answered dryly, arms folded across his chest and leaning back, watching his friends in dismay, "and he's right here with you guys."

"He'd be a very hot policeman," Suga spoke, as if Iwaizumi hadn't tried interrupting, "but we probably can't trust Oikawa anywhere near a gun."

"How about a pilot?" Yaku sat up, liking the idea, "the training's only a few months, getting a proper license is only a few years. Their uniforms aren't so bad either."

"Flying makes me uncomfortable," Iwaizumi put in, at least trying to participate in the conversation he couldn't stop.

“Why not be a witch hunter like me?” Yaku asked, "their field gear would do wonders for your figure.”

“No offense, really,” Iwaizumi grimaced slightly, "but I think I’ll keep away from any magic stuff for a long while.”

"He can always be a dancer or something," Kyoutani gave a shrug, "ever thought about artsy stuff?"

"Mediocre artistic talent, nearly non-existent musical talent of any kind," Iwaizumi shot his idea down too, "and I don't dance."

"That's what that afro guy said in that movie," Yaku grinned cheekily.

"Ever thought about modelling?" Suga tried, raising a brow when Iwaizumi merely shook his head, "oh, I was hoping to get you riled up more. Why not modelling?"

"Too... flashy," Iwaizumi frowned in thought, "and I don't like the idea of horny teenagers masturbating to my picture."

"Iwaizumi, not in front of the children!" Yaku exclaimed in mock outrage, gesturing wildly to Kyoutani, who grunted in a very unimpressed manner.

"What do you want then?" Suga asked with a sigh, apparently done trying to guess, "what sort of job are you trying to find?"

"Excuse me," a new voice interrupted before Iwaizumi could answer, and the four of them looked up to find a short, wild haired man they recognized as the barista grinning at them, "I couldn't help but overhear- one of you needs a job?"

"I'm not interested in working at a cafe _or_ thrift store, if you're asking," Iwaizumi said, then added, "no offense, or anything."

"None taken, don't worry," the man patted him on the back hard enough that Iwaizumi raised a brow, "but I'm not talking about that! I'm talking about my boyfriend's job. He's a firefighter, and he'd been looking for new recruits. You looked like a capable guy so I thought of asking you. Do you want to be a fireman, kid?"

The others around the table couldn't help smiling at the small man calling their buff, grumpy friend 'kid'. Said buff, grumpy friend was seriously considering the job offer, though. He wasn't as opposed to the idea as others thrown his way, at least. And it would be doing something good, and he _was_ a capable guy.

"Sure," Iwaizumi nodded, earning delighted surprise from his audience, "where do I sign up?"

"Awesome!" the short guy clapped him on the back again, jumping in excitement. He turned and waved over to someone across the store, "Asahi! He said yes!"

"Yuu! Don't shout!" came the answer, from a tall, imposing man who was making his way over to their table. He was huge, especially compared to his companion, with a soft stubble and hair tied in a loose bun. His expression was anything but imposing, however. In fact, he looked somewhat shy as he smiled at the seated group.

"I'm sorry if Yuu bothered you," the man, 'Asahi' said in a meek voice, "he's just trying to help me out."

"He's not bothering anyone, it's okay," Suga said with a kind smile, the type he used for his school kids, "in fact, I think he just helped us solved our friend's problem here."

"Oh! That's- that's good," Asahi seemed very relieved with this, and gave a soft smile, "I'm Azumane Asahi, but please just call me Asahi."

Everyone took turns introducing themselves, ending with Asahi's boyfriend, announcing himself as 'Nishinoya Yuu, barista extraordinaire!'

"I'm glad you're considering being a fireman, Iwaizumi-san," Asahi had said, "we've been a little short on people recently, because of some mess up in transfers. B-but I'm not saying the department's messy or anything!"

"It's alright, Asahi," Iwaizumi gave him a friendly smile, "I'm sure I'll enjoy working with you."

"Thank you," Asahi said, beaming, "then I'll text you about an interview?"

"Yeah, of course," Iwaizumi sat up, looking around for pen and paper, "anybody got- ah, thanks, Suga."

"You're welcome," Suga sipped his drink, watching with everyone as Iwaizumi wrote down his number for Asahi. The latter slipped the paper in his pocket, and grabbed the hand of one Nishinoya Yuu, who had been vibrating with held back excitement.

"I'll leave you all to your drinks then," Asahi said politely, and left with a chorus of goodbyes trailing after him. They weren't even a few feet away when Nishinoya started talking at a fast pace, very happy that he'd helped and that Asahi made several new friends in just a few minutes, and various other things.

"He seems like a kind soul," Suga commented, and Yaku nodded sagely.

"I can't believe we hadn't thought of fireman," Kyoutani hummed, "red would be a nice colour on Iwaizumi-san."

"I bet Oikawa would get a kick out of seeing him in uniform," Suga agreed, and Iwaizumi groaned. It was like he exchanged the evil that was Matsukawa and Hanamaki for the evil that was these guys.

***

“Welcome home, Iwa-chan! How’d it go?” Oikawa asked, once Iwaizumi came back from his trip. Iwaizumi was about to answer when he realized Matsukawa and Hanamaki were sitting on the couch with Oikawa squished between them. The television played some sort of romantic comedy movie Iwaizumi hadn’t seen yet and the coffee table was strewn with snacks and empty soda cans.

“Uhh… it was good,” Iwaizumi raised a brow at the all too innocent smiles being directed at him, "I didn’t know you guys were coming to visit.”

“I called them cause I got bored,” Oikawa gave a shrug, "and I needed to know more embarrassing things about Iwa-chan that he’ll never tell me otherwise.”

Iwaizumi scoffed, shaking his head. He made his way to his bedroom, shedding his jacket along the way.

“Oh, by the way,” Iwaizumi paused at the doorway to his room, giving Oikawa a cheeky grin, "I’m going to be a fireman.”

He turned around quickly and slammed his door shut, completely missing his friends’ reactions. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were wolf whistling and making suggestive faces and gestures at Oikawa, who fanned himself dramatically and mouthed ‘Iwa-chan as a firefighter ohmygod’ several times.

When Iwaizumi emerged from the bedroom in a shirt and shorts, the three immediately schooled their expressions. They sat up straight, facing forward as if they were about to be sentenced either freedom or life imprisonment. Again Iwaizumi simply raised an eyebrow at them before settling in an armchair and grabbing snacks and drinks for himself. He watched the romcom in silence, until he couldn’t take it anymore and growled out a “What is it.”

Exchanging knowing smirks, Matsukawa and Hanamaki gave Oikawa a synchronized pat on the back, making the latter pitch forward and almost fall face first onto the coffee table. Iwaizumi didn’t bother to hide his snort.

“Ah, uhm,” Oikawa seemed to be stuck between glaring in hatred and betrayal and fumbling in embarrassed mortification, "congrats, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi waited a moment. Oikawa stared intently at a piece of tortilla chip slowly being soaked by spilled orange soda. Matsukawa and Hanamaki glanced at the two of them respectively, and then at each other. Iwaizumi waited a moment more. And then;

“Is that it?”

“Yes?” Oikawa squeaked out, and added hurriedly”, yes, that’s it. Congrats on finding a job, Iwa-chan!” He gave an unnecessary peace sign before pretending to give his full attention to the movie still playing.

With an annoyed huff Iwaizumi turned his attention to the movie as well.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki exchanged another look.

***

Matsukawa and Hanamaki were very busy men.

Sure, they had jobs and lives and shit, but more importantly, they had two close friends who needed some serious help in the romance department. And being the good friends that they are, Matsukawa and Hanamaki decided to help.

That was why, while Iwaizumi was taking his sweet time getting adjusted to his new job, and Oikawa was busy doing stupid things like dropping hints Iwaizumi was never going to pick up, Matsukawa and Hanamaki were planning the ultimate date-slash-confession the two so obviously needed.

"Are we seriously going to set all this up on the off chance that they'll be too busy making out afterwards to beat the crap out of us?" Matsukawa had asked, "Iwaizumi handles axes on a daily basis, and those high pressure hoses."

"Babe, you have to stop binge playing Sims," Hanamaki tutted, going through the rack of gaudy costumes in the gaudy costume store they had found themselves in, "and trust me, if they don't make out it would mean our plan failed. And our plan won't fail. We're even going to type with correct grammar and using code names and everything."

"I don't know," Matsukawa was not convinced, "maybe we should just let them figure it out by themselves."

Hanamaki had only time to glance at him before they both burst into laughter, knowing it would take too long for Iwaizumi and Oikawa to figure stuff out if left to themselves. No, those two _obviously_ needed their help.

"Look at this," Hanamaki gasped out, grabbing a thick, furry onesie from the racks, "this is perfect."

"Fifty says you'll never convince Oikawa to wear that," Matsukawa challenged, to which Hanamaki readily agreed. They left the store in high spirits.

And now, more than a few months since they first met Oikawa and decided he should hook up with Iwaizumi, they were ready.

'Agent Pepe here with Target Damn-Daniel in sight.'

Hanamaki stared down his phone, frowning slightly. It was a little too early to send Matsukawa to collect Iwaizumi, but not so early that it'd disrupt their plan. He sent a quick reply.

'Agent Kermit currently with Target Aliens. We're not at the scene yet, you may proceed with Stalling until I give the signal.'

"Makki," Oikawa whined from the passenger seat, "texting while driving is stupid and dangerous. And where are we going? Who were you texting?"

"We're at a stop light, so you have to chill," Hanamaki admonished, making sure his phone was way out of Oikawa's reach, "and that was just Issei texting me about... Mission Impossible." He very nearly cracked at the inside joke.

"You didn't answer my other question," Oikawa pointed out, "where are we going?"

"We're going someplace nice," Hanamaki assured him, grinning, "and we're going to fix your love life."

"Oh, well in that case, no thank you," Oikawa leaned back in his seat with crossed arms, frowning without realizing it, "my love life is just fine as it is."

"Iwaizumi will never get your hints," Hanamaki outright said, surprising Oikawa enough that he jumped in his seat and nearly hit something, "you're way too obvious, yes, but not to him. He's blinded by his own dumb feelings to even consider it, really. So we're going to show him, loud and clear."

"But- I mean," Oikawa whined pitifully, "maybe you're wrong. Maybe he's noticed and he just doesn't want to say anything because he actually doesn't like me back. What then?"

"That's the stupidest thing you've ever said," Hanamaki scoffed, eyes back on the road when the light turned green, "mind repeating that for me so I can record it and show Issei?"

"I thought you were going to help," Oikawa said accusingly, "I'm starting to realize befriending you was not a good decision."

"And you're only getting that now," Hanamaki said with a laugh, "don't worry, we're helping you as much as we're helping ourselves."

"But you're not telling me _anything_ ," Oikawa complained, like a child not being given his promised candy.

"I'll tell you when we get there, so like I said you have to chill," Hanamaki reached over to give a consoling pat to his friend, but since he wasn't looking it landed awkwardly on Oikawa's neck. The latter swatted it away in annoyance but remained quiet the rest of the ride.

When they finally got to their destination and as soon as Hanamaki parked, he nearly kicked Oikawa out of the car. He sent another text to Matsukawa before exiting the vehicle himself. On his way out he grabbed the duffel bag in the backseat that had, until that point, been mostly ignored.

"We're at a park," Oikawa observed, following his friend who was walking determinedly further into said park, "Makki, why are we in a park?"

"Issei and I have this secret make out spot here," Hanamaki explained, and Oikawa wished immediately that he hadn't, "we're going to use it for you and Iwaizumi. Come on."

Hanamaki pulled Oikawa into a corner of the park, in a fairly secluded area amongst a patch of trees and bushes. There was a clearing inside, small enough that it wasn't noticed from the outside, but large enough for a standard picnic date.

Reaching into his bag, Hanamaki pulled out a thick bundle of clothing and shoved it at Oikawa, pointing further into the thickening brambles.

"Change into these," he ordered, ignoring any questions Oikawa might have been asking, "it's all part of the plan, trust me. It won't work if you're not in those."

With one last, distrustful look Oikawa went off to get changed, and Hanamaki knelt in the little clearing, taking out the other stuff in his bag. Large, comfy blanket, wine (mixed with a bit stronger stuff), candles on a candlestick holder, plastic plates and utensils, pre-packaged cupcakes and cookies. Hanamaki arranged them to resemble an actual picnic date, while Oikawa hid behind a tree and peeked around to glare at him.

"What the hell am I wearing?" Oikawa hissed.

"I don't know, I can't see what you're wearing," Hanamaki answered with a smug grin, before feeling his phone vibrate. He checked the text and jumped into the bushes near Oikawa, hiding and signalling for Oikawa to be quiet.

'Agent Pepe with Target Damn-Daniel. We're at the scene.'

It was time.

***

'Agent Kermit here with Target Aliens, we have arrived at the scene. You may proceed with bringing Target Damn-Daniel to the scene.'

Matsukawa pocketed his phone again, grabbing Iwaizumi and pulling him away from the hole-in-the-wall Thai place they had just been heading towards.

"Where are we going this time?" Iwaizumi asked with a sigh. Ever since he got off work, Matsukawa had dragged him here and there, seeming distracted and waiting for something. Now he seemed more excited, as he pulled Iwaizumi along somewhere.

"To the park, no biggie," Matsukawa answered, and Iwaizumi didn't even want to question it anymore. He knew his friend better than to expect a straight answer.

They walked speedily to the park, in relative silence, Matsukawa seemingly in a great hurry. Once inside, Matsukawa sent a text. They walked further, until Iwaizumi wondered if he was being pranked, and they arrived in a suspiciously secluded corner of the park where he suspected nobody would notice a dead body until it started smelling too strongly or animals started getting attracted to the meat.

"Why are we here?" Iwaizumi asked, even as Matsukawa pushed him into a tiny clearing where a picnic had been set, "why is there a picnic set here? Why are there lit candles? That's a fire hazard."

"You would know, wouldn't you, mister firefighter?" Matsukawa snickered, inching not so subtly away from Iwaizumi, "just wait here." He ran off before Iwaizumi could grab him and demand for some answers.

With a resigned sigh, Iwaizumi sat down on the picnic blanket and grabbed a cookie from one of the two plates set there. He hadn't even had time to change, and even though the day was pretty quiet, his shirt and pants still smelled too much like the fire station, still stained from Aone showing him how to keep the fire truck clean and running properly.

He started hearing whispering off to his right, almost behind him, and instead of looking he just sighed again. What the hell were his friends up to?

"Makki, I know that's you," he called out, making the whispers stop. Then it came back, more urgent, it seemed, before stopping again. Iwaizumi waited, suspicion rising again.

"Uhm, hi there Iwa-chan," came Oikawa's voice, shy and tentative. When Iwaizumi turned to face him his voice became frantic, "no wait, don't look!"

Iwaizumi froze, and suddenly he couldn't quite swallow the piece of cookie he'd just bitten. He did so anyway, settling back in his seat, "why are _you_ here?"

"Makki brought me here," Oikawa sounded almost like he's tattling, "he said I should tell you something you're too stupid to figure out yourself."

"Excuse me?" Iwaizumi grunted out, frowning. Then again that did sound like something Hanamaki would say.

"His words, not mine," Oikawa chirped all too happily.

"And what might that something be?" Iwaizumi wondered, "also why can't I look?"

"You can only pick one, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said playfully, though there was a weird edge to his voice, "do you want to see or do you want to know?"

"I want to know," Iwaizumi decided immediately, figuring he can literally turn around anytime.

"Oh, okay," there it was again, the edge in Oikawa's voice, more pronounced. Was it unease? Or, more like hesitance?

When Oikawa remained quiet, Iwaizumi made an impatient noise.

"Uhm, okay," Oikawa said slowly, and Iwaizumi could imagine him fidgeting, trying to find the words to say whatever it was he wanted to say, "remember when Lev visited? And he mentioned cat themed fantasies and stuff?"

"...yeah?" Iwaizumi managed to sound far calmer than he felt. Did Oikawa know? Was he _that_ obvious? Was he going to be called gross, kicked out in the street? Iwaizumi's mind started churning out excuses, pleads. It was one time, (the cat themed fantasies anyway) and he could change! He'd make sure not to show it, he-

"I sort of knew what he was talking about?" Oikawa said softly, worriedly, as if Iwaizumi might not like what he was saying, "as in, I started thinking about you in those dumb cat ears and it was so stupid and cute. And I've been having fantasies... even before Lev pointed it out? And they don't usually involve cat ears but there was that one time and..."

"What are you saying, exactly?" Iwaizumi asked thickly, feeling all those cliché emotions usually associated with what he thinks this might be.

"That I like you?" Oikawa gave a laugh, sort of like the hysterical one from when he first found out Iwaizumi was human, "cause I really really like you, Iwa-chan."

Silence. Soft snickering coming from the bushes. More silence.

"Oikawa, I rea-" Iwaizumi turned around with a huge grin on his face, he couldn't help it- but then he found that he _could_ help it, and the grin turned to an expression of shock and horror, "what the _fuck_ are you wearing?"

"Noo I said you can't look!" Oikawa hid his face, though that didn't help his situation at all. He was wearing a light brown, adult sized onesie, the type with cat ears stitched on its hood and a tail stitched to the butt area. It was ridiculous, adorable, stupid, somewhat insulting, cute as fuck.

Iwaizumi didn't waste any more time, pulling Oikawa until he fell down on the picnic blanket with him, intending on kissing him like he'd been wanting to do for so damn long. But the angle or force or something must’ve been off because Oikawa lost his balance and landed painfully on Iwaizumi. Their little corner of the park was filled with pained yells and boisterous laughter.

Once they got themselves sorted out however, Oikawa was more than happy to properly kiss his Iwa-chan. It was all messy and too wet but who cares. The hoots and hollers of Matsukawa and Hanamaki not even bothering to hide anymore went entirely ignored.

***

"Don't think you assholes are safe," Iwaizumi said a little later, when he was able to pull away long enough without Oikawa leaning closer and kissing him all over again.

"Hey, if it weren't for us, your pining fest would've gone on forever," Matsukawa reasoned, emerging from the bushes with Hanamaki right beside him.

"Plus we wanted to see if Oikawa would actually wear it," Hanamaki pointed out with a shrug, though he had a pleased grin on his face, "and now Issei owes me fifty."

"Oh, shut up," Matsukawa shoved Hanamaki playfully, and the latter tripped and landed awkwardly on the ground, kicking the candlesticks by accident. Amongst surprised shouts the candles flew, most of them dying out. One landed in the bushes though, and the leaves started catching on fire.

"Oops?" Hanamaki said dryly, pointedly _not_ meeting Iwaizumi's very disappointed stare.

"We only mean well," Matsukawa tried, even as the fire started spreading faster.

**THE END**

(Thankfully, they had brought one of those mini fire extinguishers and the only casualty was the top of that poor innocent bush.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that! OTL Good Heavens What Have I Done
> 
> ALSO ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
> 
> EDIT: life's been hard and busy and any sequel/prequel(s) will take a loooong while

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think


End file.
